Dealing With Two Faced People
“A honest enemy is better than a friend who lies.” ~ Unknown
Two Faced People are people who are not honest or sincere. They say different things to different people in an effort to gain their approval and favor. Here are 10 things to keep in mind when dealing with such people:
1) Keep Your Guard Up. If you are dealing with someone who you know is fake and dishonest, keep this awareness in the forefront of your mind when interacting with them. This person is not a potential friend so you do not need to kid yourself that they will not stab you in the back.
“It is better to be alone than with a fake friend.” ~Unknown
2) Do Not Tell Them Any Personal or Sensitive Information. People who like to talk negatively about others are will not keep your secrets. They are likely to use the information you have given them against you or towards other people. Remember the old saying, “Those who gossip to you will usually gossip about you.”
3) Don’t Tell Them Your Goals Either. Unless you want them to steal your ideas or take credit for your ideas and work, don’t share your hard earned efforts, goals and plans with these two faced people. While they listen to you, this type of person has a tendency to turn around and mock your goals and plans behind your back to others. If you know someone is two faced, you know they cannot be trusted; so don’t trust them.
4) Do Not Try To Beat Them At Their Own Game. Two Faced People are adept at deception and playing games. If you try and fight fire with fire by spreading untruths about them, you are only reducing yourself to their level. Always take the higher ground and strive to be a person of integrity, a person who is known for telling the truth.
“True friends stab you in the front.” ~ Oscar Wilde
5) Be Straightforward But Not Aggressive. Let the person know that you are aware of what they are doing or have done. Let them know that you are hurt or offended by what they have done. It would be a good idea to have someone there while you talk to them, to be a witness to the interaction, so the two faced person cannot spin the story and the facts around later.
6) Do Not Let The Situation Go On For More Than A Few Days. It is usually best to deal with the matter of confronting a two faced person about their lies sooner than later.
“What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can longer believe you.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
7) Did You Offend Them? Out of an element of fairness, ask them if you have done something to offend them? If so, apologize. Many strained relationships can be repaired with communication and a sincere apology. If this has been a long-time friend with a good track record, strongly consider giving them another chance if they have stabbed you in the back with two faced behavior.
8) Do Not Take Their Behavior Personally. The behavior of the two faced person is not a reflection of who you are but rather who they are. Perhaps you misjudged the person and you might need to be more alert next time. It isn’t always easy to spot deceptive people because they are usually good at being deceptive. Once you have their number, be careful not to fall into the trap of letting down your guard against this two faced person again.
“Fake friends believe in rumors. Real friends believe in you.” ~ Unknown
9) If Your Friend Believes Someone Else Over You, Talk To Both Of Them At The Same Time. If you have been accused of being a two faced person and you know you are innocent, talk with your friend to see if this matter can be straightened out. Remind them of how long they have known you; perhaps even as long as several years and they have not known the new person who has spoken a mistruth for as long. This awareness can often create space to reason things out. If your friend still does not believe you, address the two of them at the same time. The outsider will typically demonstrate the truth through their defensive reactions.
10) Avoid The Person Who Is Two Faced If You Can. If you can avoid the two faced person who has been talking negatively about you, you should. This is not always possible, especially if the person in question is a family member or coworker. If you have to spend time around that person, set clear boundaries regarding what kind of topics you are willing to talk about or listen to. If the two-faced individual tries to gossip about other people, politely tell them that kind of talk doesn’t interest you. Do not offer any opinions of your own unless you want to hear your opinions twisted around later.
“Being nice to people you don’t like isn’t being “two-faced”, it’s called growing up.” ~ Unknown
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner. Mark has been in the field of helping individuals and couples since 1986. He has a vast amount of experience and he can have a very positive impact on your life and your relationship. If you are looking for individual or marriage counseling, please call his office in Valdosta, Georgia and his staff will help you set up an appointment.
South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center
2704 N. Oak St. Blg B-3
Valdosta, Georgia 31602