5 Friends You Don’t Want To Have Or Be
“False friends are worse than bitter enemies.” ~ Scottish Proverb
If only you could have a crystal ball so that you would be able to predict the reliability of your friendships with others. Unfortunately, we only have a trial and error system that comes with pain and frustration. Here are seven types of friends that spell trouble, so watch out:
- The Party Pooper. This friend is also known as The Wet Blanket and The Bubble Buster. They seem to walk around with a rain cloud over their head that can darken even the brightest day. If you’ve just received a promotion at work, they’ll remind you of how the corporate grind will use you up and spit you out. If you’ve fallen in love, they’ll remind you of psycho stalkers from hell. These types of friends will not share in your happiness so you might want to keep your good news to yourself.
- The Magician. You thought you had found your life-long best friend. Things were going great and the bond was amazing. You did everything together and then POOF, they disappeared. This “now you see them; now you don’t” behavior is very hurtful as well as confusing. You’ll question what you did wrong but you’re baffled. When they suddenly reappear again, they have a new best friend. You feel rejected and jealous but their behavior has little to do with you. These friends are commitment phobic. They are always moving from one relationship to another. Their new best friend will be in your shoes in the near future.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.” ~ Unknown
- The Train Wreck. You had no idea a person could have so many problems. This friend has you on speed dial. They will call you at all hours with problems ranging from relationship catastrophes to financial misfortune. Part of you feels sorry for this friend but another side of you is aggravated because even though they ask for your advice; they really don’t want it nor do they truly listen to it. The Train Wreck is usually a very willful person who creates messes but refuses to take any responsibility.
“When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.” ~W. Somerset Maugham
- The Promise Breaker. “I’ll be there for sure. You can count on me. I won’t let you down this time.” But they do. This person makes a lot of promises but routinely breaks them or doesn’t keep them at all. They are not reliable and won’t be there when you need them. If you are guilty of this trust-breaking behavior, you should remember to promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise. I like this quote from Norman Vincent Peale; “Promises are like crying babies in a theater, they should be carried out at once.”
- It’s All About Me. You’ve just received bad news. You call your friend to tell them and gain their support. No sooner have you stated the situation to them, this friend says, “That’s nice but guess what happened to me today?” The “It’s All About Me Friend” only wants to talk about themselves. These people are very self absorbed. This is a very one sided friendship. They only listen to you because they are waiting for their turn to speak. You’ll probably get more emotional comfort from talking to your plants or your dog than calling this person.
- The Spy. These people infiltrate your life only to gain access to your assets or your information. They purposely pour on the charm to win you over. They tell you what you want to hear so that you will loosen up and spill the goods. You will notice these people ask a lot of questions and need to know everything. Their goal may be to use you to get close to someone else in your life; your boss, your sister, your dad and his connections. You’ll spot these two faced deceivers by how they try to eavesdrop on your conversations and their intrusive questions to fill in the gaps of what they weren’t able to overhear.
- The One Upper. This friend is very competitive and has to be the best or at least have the best. They are typically overachievers. They tend to build themselves up by making others feel inferior. They will often show off at your expense. True friends don’t have to constantly impress each other. Friendships shouldn’t be based on one winning and one losing. These friends need a lot of external validation but don’t realize how they aggravate others by trying to be impressive. You can spot these friends whenever you tell a story. Their version tells how they did more and were better at it than you.
“Friendship…is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” ~ Muhammad Ali
5 Friends You Don’t Want To Have Or Be by: Mark Webb LMFT
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner. Mark has been in the field of helping individuals and couples since 1986. He has a vast amount of experience and he can have a very positive impact on your life and your relationship. If you are looking for individual or marriage counseling, please call his office in Valdosta, Georgia and his staff will help you set up an appointment.
South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center
2704 N. Oak St. Blg B-3
Valdosta, Georgia 31602