Step Up Your Relationship Efforts… Before You Really Have To
Have you ever noticed how people get their act together after a breakup or a divorce?    Okay, maybe not at first.  To begin with they’re an emotional wreck.  I’m talking about how they eventually get themselves on track in every way.
You’d be surprised at how many relationships could have been rekindled if the out of shape, beer guzzling slug or the nagging witch would have made a few changes before the love in the relationship died.  Make a fresh start to your relationship today, before you really have to.
Here are 10 strategies that are cheaper than a divorce and easier than starting over:
1)     Have a better sense of humor.  Put laughter back into your life.  Tell more jokes.  Show your partner your playful, goofy side.  Make your relationship fun.  If something goes wrong, don’t be so serious.  Try to find something funny or respond with a smile.
2)    Be more passionate.  Most people seem to be sleepwalking through their days.  Be more expressive.  Stop taking your partner for granted.  Tell them you love them in such a way that they absolutely know it!  Don’t let your relationship get infected with boredom.  Get excited about your life and your partner.
3)    Get in better shape.  Once we land the partner of our dreams, we tend to let ourselves go.  It’s like we no longer have to try, because we have caught the partner we wanted.  Don’t make your partner prove that they have total and unconditional love for you.  Exercise, eat right, and maintain good health practices.  While you are at it, splash on some cologne or dab on some perfume.
4)    Be encouraging.  Nothing lets the air out of a relationship like being negative.  Anyone can criticize and find fault.  Over time your partner will dread seeing you if you are constantly criticizing them.  Be your partner’s biggest fan.  Build them up.  Positive reinforcement will bring out the best in your partner.
5)    Be spontaneous.  Routines are important, but too much regimen will become a drag.  Occasionally do something out of the ordinary.  Strive to surprise your partner.  Do something that is out of character for you.
6)    Be more thoughtful.  After a long day at work or taking care of small children, it’s easy to make excuses for our behavior.  Never allow yourself to be anything but thoughtful to your partner.  You were able to do this when you began dating.  Be considerate.  Speak kind words.  Pause before you speak if you’re tired or aggravated.  Give your partner the same respect you’d give to your employer or a special customer.
7)    Be willing to talk and to listen.  Do you remember how it was in the beginning?  You could stay up all night long talking.  You wanted to hear every word your partner had to say.  You wanted to get to know all you could about their hopes and dreams.  Every story was exciting and you hung on with interest.  Put this same level of enthusiastic interest towards your partner today.  You don’t know all there is to know.  Your partner is constantly evolving and experiencing new things.  Be a part of this with him or her.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that your partner won’t talk to you if you are quick to argue, get defensive, or steal the conversation.  Convey that you really do want to know your partner.
8)    Be flexible.  Things don’t have to always be your way.  Go shopping with your lady and watch a ballgame with your man.  Make yourself enjoy it.  Take turns picking the restaurant.  Be willing to give more of your time.
9)    Have your priorities straight.  Your relationship is a top priority.  I would say it is second only to God with occasional exceptions for your children.  You will see a rapid difference in the quality of your relationship once you make your partner and your relationship the priority.
10) Be willing to work at it.  I often hear people state they believe a great relationship should happen on its own.  You have a successful career because you work at it.  You have well mannered children because you work at it.  The same will be true for your relationship.  If you put the same 80% to 100% effort into your relationship, you will divorce-proof your future.
Little things mean a lot.  These actions are simple and easy to make as part of your relationship.  Through consistent practice, they can become habits.  These kinds of habits will keep your love alive and fresh.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Many people are afraid to say and do what is best for themselves out of a fear of rejection and abandonment.

If you are sacrificing who you are to hold your relationship together or to keep others from disapproving of you, then you are leading a lonely life.  If these people truly care about you, they will want you to achieve success in your life.

I have seen so many individuals give up hobbies, career goals and other areas of interest to gain the approval of their partner and/or their parents.  These individuals create a limitation for themselves.  Because they are not pursuing what is important to them, they end up feeling very empty inside.  This emptiness is a form of loneliness and it leads to a slow death of the human spirit.

When you lead your life according to your God-given potential, you begin to experience a freedom like you would never believe.  Your step becomes swifter, you breathe a little deeper and you stand taller.  You will feel a sense of personal power.  Thoughts will become more solution-oriented in your view toward the challenges of life.

15 Strategies To Help Unleash Your Full Potential

1.  Decide to be the best that you can be.

2.  Learn to see your positive qualities.  Make a list of 20 positive traits that you have.

3.  Stop putting yourself down in front of other people.

4.  Limit the amount of time you spend with negative people.

5.  Give and receive compliments.

6.  Be enthusiastic.

7.  Develop your sense of humor.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.

8.  Be kind to everyone you interact with.

9.  Don’t be easily offended.

10. Attend church and pay attention while there.

11.  Seek outstanding role models.  They can teach you how to     speed up the learning process.

12. Dare to be unpopular.

13. Remind yourself daily that you are striving to be your best.

14. Wake up happy.  Get your day off to a positive   start.

15. Give yourself positive messages such as “I can” and “I will”.

Loneliness can feel crippling at times.  The hopelessness and helplessness of loneliness will dissipate once you seek the truth that is within you.  So ask yourself, what is truly important to me?  What am I getting out of my present lifestyle?  What would I have to give up if I really moved toward my dreams?  What would I gain if I did so?  Remember, you were brought into this world with a purpose.  If you question your purpose, then do yourself a favor by spending some time reviewing these questions.  You can be loved and accepted for who you are.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Every marriage will go through times of challenge. Some marriages will be strengthened while others will be destroyed. Tough times may be as common as financial problems or the aftermath of a hurtful argument. Marriages may suffer as the result of a miscarriage or the death of a loved one. Whatever challenge you face, remember this:

It is better to be prepared for tough times and not have them, than to have tough times and not be prepared.

Here are five of the essential principles to strengthen your relationship and give you an edge during times of adversity.

1. Be Mindful Not To Worry. If something needs to be fixed, fix it if you can but remember that worry never fixes anything. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. Worry prevents you from seeing hope and solutions. Besides, most things we worry about never happen.
   
2. Be Patient Towards Your Partner. Patience is an excellent remedy for the tough times you will go through. You love your partner so don’t choose the moments of crisis to come down on them. Don’t let stress sway you into losing perspective. Realize that if you are not careful, adversity can damage your relationship. Stay away from blaming, using criticism to make a point, lecturing, sarcasm and name calling. Everything becomes possible again when love and patience are present.
   
3. Practice Forgiveness…It is amazing how quickly someone will turn on the person they love. Don’t let upset feelings infect your relationship. Resentments close the door on the possibility of a bright future. Love is a continous act of forgiveness. Everybody likes the idea of forgiveness until they have to be the one to forgive. If you want your relationship to be better than most, you must instill this habit of forgiveness.
   
4. Use Your Sense Of Humor. A laughing couple is much stronger than an arguing or withdrawn couple. If you can find humor in the challenge you are facing you can survive it. Laughter dissapates hopelessness. You cannot argue and laugh at the same time. It is impossible. The choice is up to you.
   
5. Vow To Stay Connected. Stand together against adversity. Promise to endure throughout the storms that most likely will come your way at some point or another. Staying connected takes practice. People commonly choose to withdraw from each other at times of trouble. This distance may feel safer but it does long term damage to the relationship. If you truly love your partner then vow “We will get through this, Together!”

You are the only one who is responsible for your character. Do not let other people or circumstances determine your actions. If there is goodness in your relationship, then it is worth fighting for. Give your partner a message of committed reassurance. Let them know, “I’m Here For You.” and “We Will Get Through This.”

Things To Keep In Mind During The Tough Times:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Getting Through The Tough Times In Your Relationship

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Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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25 Strategies For Preventing Holiday Headaches With Your Family

The tension of a lifetime can emerge during a holiday visit with family.  There is something about family gatherings that can transform even the most confident man or woman into a helpless child, and usually thoughtful people into petty bickerers.  If you are stressing out about spending holidays with your family, here are some strategies that can keep you from getting sucked into family conflicts.

1.     Invite a friend or two to participate in family gatherings.  Behavior almost always improves in the presence of outsiders.

2.     Consider having family events in a neutral place such as a restaurant or a resort.  Reserve these places early.

3.     If specific family members get on your nerves, come up with a strategy to deal with the situation when it occurs.

4.     Develop your sense of humor.  Most things can be amusing if you don’t take them too seriously.

5.     Everybody tends to stay up later during holiday visits.  Tiredness tends to ensure bickering and short temperedness.  This is true for children and adults.  Get plenty of rest.

6.     Don’t take responsibility for everyone else’s happiness.  It’s okay to simplify, ask for help and change the way things have been done in the past.

7.     Avoid the need to criticize or to tell someone how things “Should be done”.  Remember, you have two ears and one mouth.  Listen more, talk less.

8.     If your momma asks you to go to church with her, go.  You love her and it will make her happy.

9.     If your family tends to have intense debates about religion or politics, you might want to declare a truce.  Typically, days can be spent preparing for the big meal and this well thought out event can quickly be ruined over a useless debate.

10. Make sure everyone knows what is going on; where, when and with whom.

11. Expect the unexpected.  Be prepared for the unplanned events that always seem to occur at family get togethers.  Be flexible.  Remember you didn’t pick your family and they didn’t pick you either.

12. Be mindful of the things you have instead of the things you don’t have.  Gratitude will keep you more focused on peace and harmony.

13. Lead by example.  When family members see you avoid petty conflicts, they will more likely follow your lead.

14. Brace yourself for teenagers.  Keep these strategies in mind:

a.      Avoid power struggles

b.     Expect some limit testing

c.     Focus more on listening than on demanding to be heard.

d.     Take a time out yourself when you feel the need.

e.      Establish curfews, expectations, guidelines ahead of time.

15. If family members prefer to remain home alone for their own personal reasons, respect their wishes and don’t pressure them into uncomfortable social situations.

16. You must accept the fact that it may not be possible to have a house full of relatives who get along.  It may be better to have a smaller gathering comprised of family and friends who interact well together than a larger group that doesn’t get along.

17. Don’t aim for perfection.  Unrealistic demands you place on yourself is a recipe for frustration and disaster.

18. If your family gathering is too much stress to bear, consider not going.

19. Leave your baggage at the door.  You don’t have to resolve unfinished family business during this holiday visit.  I suggest you plan to do it at another time if you feel the need.

20. Avoid too much downtime.  You are setting yourself up for conflicts if you allow your guests to get bored.  Plan group activities.  Go to a movie or local attraction.  Ride around and look at Christmas lights or play a game of football.

21. Make sure you spend quality time with your spouse and your children.  They are your priority, not your parents or siblings.

22. Don’t try to diet.  This is usually a dumb idea.  Moderation in food and alcohol is a better idea.  Make a plan and then do your best to stick to it.

23. Have realistic expectations and “go with the flow”.  It also helps if you can remember to breathe.

24. If a family member is not able to attend the holiday festivities, arrange a phone call or make a videotape of them event and mail it to them.

25. Keep family visits short.  Consider staying in a motel.  Remember the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Fish and company both stink after 3 days”.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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