Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

New Year’s Resolutions are very important.  They challenge us to grow as people.  One of the reasons why many people do not have what they want in live is because they neglect to set goals for themselves.  If you catch yourself resisting your resolutions perhaps you need to ask yourself “Why?”    Often it comes down to a fear of the unknown.  If this is the case, focus on the consequences of not changing your habits and the advantages of your new behaviors.  In other words, create a list of the pros and cons.

You must also learn how to reframe physical and mental discomfort.  Whenever you stop certain habits, you will experience a physical and mental reaction.  Someone who is stopping the habit of smoking should reframe nicotine withdrawal as a sign that her body is cleansing itself of the nicotine.  This will go a lot further than if she says, “I’m dying for a cigarette.”

Beat war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors and let every New Year find you a better man.
~~~Benjamin Franklin

You must be willing to make sacrifices.  You may be disappointed if you do not succeed but you are destined towards frustration if you do not even try.  The main reason for setting goals is to challenge you to become the person it takes to achieve them.  Aim for a more ambitious goal.  For example, instead of resolving to have a better relationship, resolve to have a great relationship.

Do not let the fear of failure keep you from trying or trying again.  Your strength lies in your perseverance.  If you are stuck, ask for help.  If you feel tempted to fall back into your old habits, then have an alternative in mind.  For example, when you feel like smoking, go for a walk instead.  Do not allow how you feel at the moment to determine if you will follow through with your resolution.

The Greek philosopher, Pythagoras said, “You should always choose the way that seems the best, however rough it may be.”

Research shows that of the people who successfully achieve their New Year’s Resolutions, only 40 percent of them do so on the first attempt.  The rest made several attempts but their persistence led them to success.  Keep these things in mind as you strive towards your resolutions.

1. Make a strong commitment – “I will do whatever it takes!
2. State your goal aloud every morning.  Say it as if it were already true.  “I make a positive impact on my community.”  “I earn (x amount of dollars) per year.”  “My children tell me I’m a Great Dad/Mom.
3. Trust your instincts.  In order to be happy you must be true to yourself.
4. Do not try to please everyone.
5. Visualize yourself as already achieving your goals.  See yourself enjoying the benefits of your efforts and dedication.
6. Do not reflect too much on your decisions or you may miss out on your opportunity to succeed.
7. Write down your resolutions.  Write them down in a positive language.  “I have unshakeable peace of mind” is better than “I need to stop losing my temper so much at work.”

Life will always present you with obstacles that will interfere with you fulfilling your dreams.  There will never be the perfect time to pursue your resolutions.  When you see someone who is successful, it has come about as the result of a resolution.  Resolve to “Do It Now!”

Your goals are achievable.  Make an unwavering commitment towards your goals.  Believe in Yourself.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Here are 7 simple but powerful strategies to help you become a more positive person.

1.     Wake Up Happy.  I meet so many people who start their day off with negative statements like “I don’t want to go to work today.”  “I don’t want to go to school.”  “I’m so tired.”  “I can’t wake up until I have my morning coffee.”
Train yourself to Wake Up Happy.  You can sing in the shower or listen to music that is uplifting.  You could have breakfast with someone you like who is positive and optimistic.  You could have a morning prayer time or read a devotional.

By training yourself to wake up happy, you are setting the pace of your day.  Don’t leave your attitude to be determined by other people or situations beyond your control.  Start your day with a positive note.

2.     Take Control Of Your Physiology.  What I mean by this is that you pay attention to how you use your body.  Walk or stand up straight.  Walk 15% to 25% faster.  Take full, deep breaths.  Use a wider range of tonality and facial expressions.  Maintain good eye contact.  Observe people who you believe are positive and energetic.  Notice how they carry themselves.  Positive people carry themselves differently than negative people do.  Think of times in your life in which you were feeling your best.  Reflect back on your posture, the gestures you make, and your tone of voice.  Learn how to master your previous positive states and mirror the physiology of those you want to emulate.

3.     Your Language Determines Your Destiny.  Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive.  The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive.  People don’t know what you’re thinking but this doesn’t give you permission to be inconsistent.  Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be.  The language you use can either build you up or psych you out.  Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner.  Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.  Here are a few that will derail you every time:  “I’m so nervous”, “I’m so depressed”, I have a bad temper”.  If you are going to put labels on yourself, at least use empowering ones.  Try these on and notice the difference.  “I’m in excellent health and have boundless energy!”  “I never get sick!”  “I have unshakeable peace of mind!”  “I’m a Great Wife!”  “I’m a Great Husband!”

4.     Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In.  I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.

5.     Expect The Best Of Yourself And Others.  Keep your mind tuned into the things you want and off of the things you don’t want.  Your brain has a mechanism that is designed to notice things that are similar to your existing thoughts.  Think of the last time you purchased a car.  Do you remember prior to the purchase, you hadn’t noticed that many cars like yours but the moment you drive it off the car lot you start to see them all over the place.  This is how it is when you expect the best.  Your brain will lead you to the expectations you desire.  Make sure your thoughts are tuned into positive things.

6.     Associate With Winners.  A winner is someone who is positive, optimistic, lives life to the fullest, and inspires you to be your best self.  Strive to limit your interactions with negative people.  Negative people will drain you of your energy and sense of hope.

7.     Seek Out The Power Of Role Models.  Stop trying to reinvent the wheel.  Seek out people in our community who are excelling in the areas you want to better yourself.  This can be a great parent or spouse, a successful business person, a strong spiritual example, or student.  The paths to success have already been paved.  If you follow them, you are sure to succeed as well.  An outstanding role model can save you years of trial and error.

You can alter the course of your life by altering your attitude.  Nothing can stop a person with a positive mental attitude from achieving their goals.  On the flipside, nothing can help a person with a negative attitude.  Commit yourself to starting off your todays with a positive attitude.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com