Have you built walls around your heart in order to protect yourself?  It is rare that I will meet an adult who has not done so.  Most adults have a list of names of people who have hurt them.  Eventually they become some sort of island fortress.  They strive to not allow themselves to feel anything too strong for another person.  Perhaps the person you are involved with now is the one who pushed you to put the final brick in the wall.  If you have learned to shut your partner out of your heart, I want to challenge you to make another attempt at reconnecting with them.  Do not allow yourself to become lifeless.  It is a slow and painful death if you do.

Maybe the relationship got off track because you viewed it as serious business.  Too many people try so hard to prevent the mistakes their parents made that they regard a relationship as a task.  A relationship does not need to be seen as a task.  Instead, it should be viewed as something to be enjoyed.  You can kill the love between you rather quickly if you stop the enjoyment of your partner’s company.  I appreciate the notion that you do not want to repeat the dysfunctional aspects that your parents had in their relationship.  Perhaps your serious approach towards relationships is based on past failures of your own.  Whatever your reason, decide to enjoy your relationship.

Either of these guarded approaches can lead to falling out of love.  Unfortunately, the whole “falling out of love” thing is very common.  If this has happened to you, let me show you a way to reverse this process.

You will probably question, “What’s the use?”

It will seem that the relationship is over.  Do not fall for this lie.  Penetrate past the pain and the fears you may be feeling.

Decide now to do whatever it takes to make your partner happy.  Demand your best efforts from yourself.  The common response is to vacillate between a fair amount of effort and rare episodes of attention.  Instruct yourself to go the extra mile and then some.  Rigorous effort will deliver the ideal results.

“But I don’t know what to do!” you exclaim.

Yes, you do.  Reflect back to the things you used to do that made your partner happy.  What did you do?  I bet your were quite charming.  Your partner was probably enchanted by your wit and thoughtfulness.  Most, likely, you paid more attention to your appearance.  Pursue your partner with the same amount of enthusiasm and passion.

Many years ago, my wife approached me with some photographs taken when we began dating.  I immediately smiled.  You could easily see the passion between us.  We looked like two lions about to devour each other.

Soon the smile faded as I compared the photographs in my hands with those on the mantel.  Even though we appeared happy in the more recent pictures, they did not have the same degree of passion.  I felt sad as I realized how the years had whittled away the romantic intensity.

Lucky for me that I focus more on solutions than I do on obstacles.  I started thinking of how to restore the level of passion.  I knew I couldn’t make her look at me the same way as the earlier photographs but I knew I could make myself look at her the same way.  I spent some time recalling how I used to treat her.  I was charming, funny, encouraging.  I carried myself differently.  I held her more firmly.  I gladly went out of my way for her.  I decided to recapture this side of myself for the sake of my love for her.

Many times, I will run with an experiment like this without telling my wife what I am trying to do.  This time I told her.  She liked the idea and we both were able to recapture the passion.  In fact, we not only rekindled the chemistry between us, we took it to a magnificent dimension.

Discouragement by the lack of immediate results can derail even the most motivated of men and women.  Do not give up at signs of trouble.  You cannot expect instant reconnection.  This is a matter of consistency and patience.

You must be patient and consistent.  No room exists for negative behavior.  You have to show your partner a better offer.  Believe me; they do not want the same old stuff that closed them down in the first place.

Operate from the premise that “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”

Turning a relationship towards greatness will require sacrifice.

If you are not willing to go beyond the extra mile then you really are not serious.  Your partner will see the lack of effort as well.  It cannot be hidden.  Talk is just talk unless it is backed up with action.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Everyone makes mistakes when it comes to relationships.  Repeating the same mistakes over and over can spell disaster for your relationship’s future.  It is always a good idea to stop and evaluate how you are doing every once and awhile.  Mistakes can be a powerful teaching experience.  Strive to learn from your mistakes.  I also like to learn from other couple’s mistakes.  This is much wiser than learning through your own trial and error.

Can you relate to these common relationship mistakes?
-    Forgetting to say “Thank you” and “I’m sorry”.
-    Taking your partner for granted.  Not letting them know you appreciate the things they do for you.
-    Being petty.  Making a big deal out of little things.  Nag, nag, nag.
-    Always trying to be right.  Refusing to lose an argument and becoming mean if you see you’re not going to win.
-    Refusing to forgive or forget past hurts or mistakes.
-    Forgetting special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
-    Expecting your partner to think and be like you.  Getting aggravated when they are not like you.
-    Being chronically late.  Making your partner wait for you.
-    Not involving your partner in decisions.
-    Magnifying your partner’s weaknesses as a way of making yourself feel superior to them.
-    Not taking care of yourself.  Allowing yourself to get out of shape, worn out and tired.
-    Treating your partner wonderfully in public but negatively in private.  It’s just a big show for the neighbors.
-    Not pulling your weight with the household responsibilities.  Sitting around while your partner busts their tail.
-    Always putting your children first thus neglecting your partner.  Children’s needs are important but they shouldn’t drain the relationship.
-    Going to bed angry and refusing to speak to your partner.  The silent treatment can be quite loud.
-    Not allowing your partner to spend time with their friends or family.
-    Putting your best self towards your education or career and giving your partner the leftovers.  Why are you working so hard in the first place?
-    Threaten to end the relationship when you are angry.

Awareness is the first key towards change.  Whether you are making these mistakes or others not mentioned, here are some corrective measures you can take.
1.    Always strive to do your best for your partner; even when you are tired or stressed out.  Stress is never an excuse to mistreat your partner.  Make your relationship a sanctuary for the two of you from the stressors of life.
2.    Be determined to succeed as a partner.  A strong determination will make up for any lack of skill or experience.  If you believe in your relationship, then fight for it.  Don’t let minor things come between you.  Regret is a terrible thing.
3.    Commit yourself to doing whatever it takes to become a great partner.  A great partner will always do more for the relationship than a good partner will.
4.    Set long term goals for your relationship.  This will decrease your short term frustrations.  A lot of people become discouraged if they don’t see immediate results.  Be patient with yourself and with your partner.
5.    Remember that, “You can’t be right and be together.”  Don’t waste your time with who is right.  Instead strive to do the right thing for your relationship.  Sacrifice for the sake of love.
6.    Make your partner feel special.  Treat them as if they were a King or Queen.  Exercise thoughtfulness towards your partner and make kindness a habit.  Don’t worry about them becoming a monster.  If they abuse the royal treatment, then drag them to therapy.

If there have been mistakes, forgive yourself and your partner as well.  Then strive to correct the problems.  As long as you are together, there will be mistakes.  Let your mistakes teach and guide you towards becoming a great partner.

Best of Wishes,

Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say, “thank you.”?”
~ William A. Ward

When is the last time you said a word of appreciation to your husband or boyfriend?  It is hard to tell which comes first, his lack of appreciation for you or yours toward him.  Rather than debate this, I suggest that you pump new life into your relationship by giving your man the gift of appreciation.  I have chosen to make this article one-sided because I occasionally catch grief from other men who complain that I am always asking them to make the sacrifices in order to make their woman feel special.  I still believe this and I believe appreciation should be a two-way street. I also believe that a man will do a lot more for the woman he loves if he is appreciated.
You see, when a woman is not happy, the man feels like a failure.  When she is happy, he feels that he is successful.  Men may give up in their efforts to make her happy if he doesn’t see results.  A woman’s show of appreciation is his scorecard.  So, ladies this is ultimately in your best interest to give your man one of his deepest longings, appreciation.
Dennis is frustrated that the vision for his marriage is out of sync with his wife, Nancy.  She throws him “under the bus” every time they are around their family and friends.  Everybody knows something is wrong.  Dennis seems very unhappy.  He is frequently ill and has nothing to look forward to.  Nancy’s belittling of him has led to him feeling inadequate as a man.  He pouts like a child and acts in a passive-aggressive manner.  For instance, he seems to always “forget” her birthday, Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.  This is how he has learned to retaliate for her lack of appreciation.  He dreads going home each day.   Their marriage is in real trouble.  Don’t let this happen to your relationship.
Here are some ways to let your man know how much you appreciate him:
1)      Greet him with enthusiasm.  Light your face and his with a smile.  Be glad to see him.
2)      Build him up in front of others.  Refuse to say anything negative about him to anyone else.  Look for opportunities to sing his praises to his friends and relatives as well as yours.
3)      Tell him the things you admire and appreciate about him.  Men love to hear how great they are.  This also serves as positive reinforcement which in turn will promote an even better man.  Point out how hardworking he is.  Thank him for being thoughtful and patient, and a good listener.  You will be surprised at how much better he will become.
4)      Be playful.  Draw out his fun side.  Once couples get established in the relationship, they tend to forget how playful and goofy they can be.  Being playful will keep you young.
5)      Ease up on the guilt trips.  Women typically hate to ask for the things they want or need.  Instead, they complain about what the man doesn’t do.  Men interpret this as, “No matter what I do, it is never good enough.”  Don’t make him feel obligated through guilt provoking statements.  Learn to make direct requests such as, “Will you take out the trash?” instead of, “You never take out the trash!”
6)      Make a big to-do when he achieves something.  Fix him his favorite meal or a special dessert.  Put the children to bed early and break out the candles.  Use your imagination.  The bigger the better.
7)      Tell him how much you love him.  Not with a card.  Most men are not into receiving cards.  Tell him face to face.  A sincere statement can penetrate the toughest of hearts.
8)      Thank him for providing for you and your children.  I know he is supposed to do this, but a wise woman will never take this for granted.  Men equate long hours of hard work to a show of love.  Receive this with a thank you.
9)      Thank him for supporting your career pursuits.  Behind every great man is a supportive woman.  The reverse is also true.
10)   If you want to see a huge difference in your man, listen to him.  Listen to his goals, his dreams and his frustrations.  Give him a chance to talk without correcting him or getting defensive.  Let him vent without taking it personally.  A man will give his right arm for this one.

“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”  ~ Nigerian Proverb

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”    ~ William A. Ward

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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How would you like to increase the odds in your favor that your marriage will be head and shoulders above the rest?  Now a days men and women, especially young people are skeptical about the possibility of having a great marriage.  So many couples seem to be unhappy.  Is there hope that a wonderful marriage can exist?  You can bet on it and here are 10 of the secrets for guaranteeing your success.

(1)    Accept and Embrace Your Partner’s Differences.
A common dilemma for couples is to try and change their partner.  Sure they may have annoying habits or mannerisms but as soon as you start criticizing them or trying to reform their wrongness, your partner will resist you.  They’ll become defensive and then it becomes a battle of wills.  It may take years to determine whose will is the strongest and the marriage may not be able to endure this challenge.  From my years of experience, the fastest way to change them is to accept and embrace their differences and they’ll give them up much faster.

(2)    Staying Connected Is More Important Than Being Right.
Memorize this statement:  “You Can’t Be Right and Be Married!”

You need to decide, which it is going to be.  The sooner you decide to be married, the happier the marriage will be.

(3)    You Get Out Of It What You Put Into It.
If you want the best that marriage can offer, then you need to put your best into it.  The amount of energy you give your marriage will determine the degree of passion and the length of the honeymoon.

(4)    Regularly Get Away From Your Daily Routine.
This doesn’t have to be a vacation.  It can equate to an afternoon in the park.  If one of you normally does the grocery shopping, then go together.  Look for simple ways to mix up the routine so the relationship doesn’t become dull.  Keep your partner on their toes, but in a positive way.

(5)    Convey Your Partner’s Importance To Them.
If you get this point right, you will score in a big way.  Hardly anyone gets this one right.  Make sure that your partner knows with absolute certainty that:
(a)    They Are Enough For You.  Let your partner know that you only have eyes for them.
(b)    That You Are Always There For Them.  It’s easy to be there for your partner when they are happy but a great spouse will be there even when their partner is moody or worse.

(6)    Fight Fairly.
Treat your spouse with respect even if you are angry or upset.  Strive to exemplify honor towards your mate even if they are not doing that in return.  Set an example.  Don’t use language you wouldn’t want your partner to hear.  Don’t pull up too many past grievances.  Don’t say things you cannot take back.  Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

(7)    Make The Marriage The Priority.
Work is important and so are your children but be careful how you set your priorities.  Marriage cannot always be the priority but it should find itself at the top of the list most of the time.

(8)    Savor Every Day.
Don’t take your spouse for granted.  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone so always make the most of every moment with your spouse.  How would you treat your spouse today if you knew they were going to die at midnight?  I bet your day would be a lot different.  How would you look at them?  How would you hold them?  What would you say?  I wonder how your marriage will be if you exercise this discipline for the next 2 to 4 weeks.

(9)    Talk About Your Future Together.
Spend time sharing your goals and dreams for you as a couple.  This gives reassurance and hope to the marriage which in turn helps strengthen the sense of commitment.  Talk about places you would like to visit and things you would like to do together.

(10)    Believe In The “Fairy Tale” Aspects Of Love.
Life can be hard but do not let it make you hard.  Hold on to the belief of happy endings.  Believe in princes and princesses and the innocence of love.  Once you stop believing, you become jaded.  Once this happens, the magic of love will eventually die.  This may sound childish or illogical but this believing will keep your marriage forever young.

Having a great marriage is possible and your efforts will bring you many wonderful rewards.  You just have to make the decision to have a great marriage and then strive to be consistent with your efforts.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Many people are afraid to say and do what is best for themselves out of a fear of rejection and abandonment.

If you are sacrificing who you are to hold your relationship together or to keep others from disapproving of you, then you are leading a lonely life.  If these people truly care about you, they will want you to achieve success in your life.

I have seen so many individuals give up hobbies, career goals and other areas of interest to gain the approval of their partner and/or their parents.  These individuals create a limitation for themselves.  Because they are not pursuing what is important to them, they end up feeling very empty inside.  This emptiness is a form of loneliness and it leads to a slow death of the human spirit.

When you lead your life according to your God-given potential, you begin to experience a freedom like you would never believe.  Your step becomes swifter, you breathe a little deeper and you stand taller.  You will feel a sense of personal power.  Thoughts will become more solution-oriented in your view toward the challenges of life.

15 Strategies To Help Unleash Your Full Potential

1.  Decide to be the best that you can be.

2.  Learn to see your positive qualities.  Make a list of 20 positive traits that you have.

3.  Stop putting yourself down in front of other people.

4.  Limit the amount of time you spend with negative people.

5.  Give and receive compliments.

6.  Be enthusiastic.

7.  Develop your sense of humor.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.

8.  Be kind to everyone you interact with.

9.  Don’t be easily offended.

10. Attend church and pay attention while there.

11.  Seek outstanding role models.  They can teach you how to     speed up the learning process.

12. Dare to be unpopular.

13. Remind yourself daily that you are striving to be your best.

14. Wake up happy.  Get your day off to a positive   start.

15. Give yourself positive messages such as “I can” and “I will”.

Loneliness can feel crippling at times.  The hopelessness and helplessness of loneliness will dissipate once you seek the truth that is within you.  So ask yourself, what is truly important to me?  What am I getting out of my present lifestyle?  What would I have to give up if I really moved toward my dreams?  What would I gain if I did so?  Remember, you were brought into this world with a purpose.  If you question your purpose, then do yourself a favor by spending some time reviewing these questions.  You can be loved and accepted for who you are.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Every marriage will go through times of challenge. Some marriages will be strengthened while others will be destroyed. Tough times may be as common as financial problems or the aftermath of a hurtful argument. Marriages may suffer as the result of a miscarriage or the death of a loved one. Whatever challenge you face, remember this:

It is better to be prepared for tough times and not have them, than to have tough times and not be prepared.

Here are five of the essential principles to strengthen your relationship and give you an edge during times of adversity.

1. Be Mindful Not To Worry. If something needs to be fixed, fix it if you can but remember that worry never fixes anything. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. Worry prevents you from seeing hope and solutions. Besides, most things we worry about never happen.
   
2. Be Patient Towards Your Partner. Patience is an excellent remedy for the tough times you will go through. You love your partner so don’t choose the moments of crisis to come down on them. Don’t let stress sway you into losing perspective. Realize that if you are not careful, adversity can damage your relationship. Stay away from blaming, using criticism to make a point, lecturing, sarcasm and name calling. Everything becomes possible again when love and patience are present.
   
3. Practice Forgiveness…It is amazing how quickly someone will turn on the person they love. Don’t let upset feelings infect your relationship. Resentments close the door on the possibility of a bright future. Love is a continous act of forgiveness. Everybody likes the idea of forgiveness until they have to be the one to forgive. If you want your relationship to be better than most, you must instill this habit of forgiveness.
   
4. Use Your Sense Of Humor. A laughing couple is much stronger than an arguing or withdrawn couple. If you can find humor in the challenge you are facing you can survive it. Laughter dissapates hopelessness. You cannot argue and laugh at the same time. It is impossible. The choice is up to you.
   
5. Vow To Stay Connected. Stand together against adversity. Promise to endure throughout the storms that most likely will come your way at some point or another. Staying connected takes practice. People commonly choose to withdraw from each other at times of trouble. This distance may feel safer but it does long term damage to the relationship. If you truly love your partner then vow “We will get through this, Together!”

You are the only one who is responsible for your character. Do not let other people or circumstances determine your actions. If there is goodness in your relationship, then it is worth fighting for. Give your partner a message of committed reassurance. Let them know, “I’m Here For You.” and “We Will Get Through This.”

Things To Keep In Mind During The Tough Times:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Getting Through The Tough Times In Your Relationship

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Has your relationship fallen into a routine in which the passion has fizzled or perhaps even been extinguished?  How would you like to rekindle the spark that used to burn so passionately?  You may have a solid marriage that has weathered the storms of life, but this can still lead to complacency.  With some effort, you can ignite passion in your relationship all year long.

So many couples wait for factors to line up perfectly as in a solar eclipse before they experience the renewal of passion between them.  You can make passion as predictable as a sunrise but you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.  You have to stretch your thinking into new areas you didn’t even know existed before.  Are you willing to change how you do things?

1. Two critical things will determine the future of your relationship.  If you’re not careful these two things will negatively influence the quality of your relationship.
2. The Information You Take In.  Positive information will attract positive circumstances.  Fill your mind up with stories of happy loving couples who enjoy being together instead of stories of hateful divorces.  Study books and attend seminars that focus on the enrichment of relationships. Everyone can learn more when it comes to relationships.  Commit yourself to learn all you can, so that you can become a great partner.
3. The People You Associate With.  Individuals or couples can either drag you down or inspire you to new heights.  Create distance between you and the negative ones.  If you can’t create distance because they are family or coworkers, at least limit the length of your interactions. I used to say to tell my clients:  “Don’t associate with any negative people!  Period!”  I have done a lot of research on this subject and I have found out you can actually associate with about four or five negative people.  For some of us, that’s just enough room to fit our families in.

Renew your resolve to make your relationship passionate.  Make a conscious decision and then take
Meaningful steps towards this goal.  Remind yourself of this goal each and every day.

1. Here are some strategies to help propel your passion for each other to new heights. Arrange for a babysitter.  Most men consider this to be the woman’s responsibilty but all women love it when the man takes the initiative.  This strategy alone will blow her doors off.  Ask family or friends to watch your children and then return the favor.
2. Run away from home.  Daily routines can douse the flames of passion.  Get away for a night or two.  Develop a friendship with a travel agent and ask them to remind you from time to time of your resolve to make your relationship a passionate one.

If money is an issue then you might want to consider friends or family members who have a vacation home or perhaps you could trade homes with someone for a weekend.

1. Tell your partner why you love him or her, not just that you do.  This could be by writing a love letter or by whispering in their ear while sitting in the movie theatre.  ( By the way guys, women crave love letters from the man she loves.)
2. Plan time to be together.  Don’t just wait for it to happen.  Passion is increased by anticipation.
3. Schedule  a date and let the two of you revel in the possibilities.  This builds up the excitement.
4. Dress up for each other.  This used to be a top priority but once we seal the deal, we tend to neglect the extra shower and the splash of cologne/ perfume.  Make the effort to present your best self.  I also encourage you to workout in order to stay in shape.  Do your best to maintain your health and your youth.

Is your relationship growing in passion?  Don’t lose the fun and excitement that should and could be yours. Start today with a conscious effort to set your passion on fire.

Warmest Regards,
Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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One of the things I love most about being The Relationship Specialist is that I get to empower relationships.  I particularly love to teach men how to be their best so that their women totally adore them.  Here are some of the essential principles for becoming a great husband.

• Listen To Her Feelings.  You might not understand or agree but listen.  Most men argue or get frustrated.  A great husband conveys unconditional support to his wife.  He makes it safe for her to share all sides of herself.
• Spend Time With Her.  Let your actions clearly show that your wife is your greatest priority.  She needs to know that she is special to you.  Most men choose sports, T.V. or hunting/fishing.  You can have these things but if your wife doesn’t know she comes first in your life then she may resent your other pursuits.
• Be Her Champion.  Your wife needs to feel your strength and security.  “I’m here for you” is the point you want to make.  Despite other messages she may give you, women hate having to be in charge all of the time.  Great husbands stand by their wives no matter what.
• Let Her Know That You Are Captivated By Her Beauty.  Great husbands let their wives know that they only have eyes for her.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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We have been groomed from an early age to believe that we must find the right person and then we will fall in love and get married.  We’ve been told that somehow we’ll know when the right person comes along.  The challenge to this kind of thinking is that love isn’t something you find, it’s something you develop.

The courtship process is crucial.  It gives you and your partner an opportunity to sort out if you are suitable for each other.  A couple of questions you can use to decide if a potential partner is right for you are:

a) Would I want to have a child with this person?
b) Would I be willing to spend my life with this person if they never changed from the way they are now?

Choosing the right partner needs to center around finding a person with good character.  Remember, beauty fades and a charming personality won’t pay the bills.  As a rule of thumb, don’t date anyone you know you wouldn’t want to marry because you never know whom you’ll fall in love with.

Scarlet O’Hara, in Gone with the Wind said, “I can’t think about that now.  I’ll go crazy if I do.  I’ll think about it tomorrow.”  It’s this kind of thinking that gets you into all sorts of trouble.  Pay attention to your instincts.  Warning!! Where there is smoke, there is usually fire.  Here are some of the common things to watch out for:

·        Someone who wants everything now.
·        A fiery temper.
·        Being too picky.
·        Your family doesn’t like him or her.
·        Wanting someone to take care of them.
·        They mistreat other people.
·        They are not over a past love.
·        Any kind of “holic”.
·        People who are mentally and/or emotionally unavailable.
·        Someone who holds grudges.
·        They don’t listen.
·        They don’t call to say they are running late.
·        They have an “it doesn’t matter” attitude.
·        One wants children and the other doesn’t.
·        Incompatible spiritual beliefs.

Few couples, if any, are completely united when the marriage vows are spoken.  The real union develops in the work of the years to come.  When a man and woman marry, they become One.  The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.  Couples need to learn how to make room for their differences and to allow them to peacefully co-exist.  When a couple is strongly connected, all problems become manageable.  When a couple isn’t connected, the smallest challenges seem insurmountable.

If you wait until you are ready for marriage, you never will be.  Marriage is on the job training.  Here are some strategies for becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right.

·        Be kind no matter what.
·        Listen, and then comment if necessary.
·        Commit yourself to your partner.
·        Be respectful.
·        Be quick to apologize and forgive.
·        Remember all holidays and anniversaries
·        Say, “Thank you” and “I love you” often.
·        Decide to be a Great Partner
·        Make your partner’s happiness a priority.

Here is a living example of a Right Couple:

Winston Churchill once attended a formal banquet in which the distinguished guests were asked the question, “If you could not be who you are, who would you like to be?”

Everyone was curious as to how Churchill would answer.  When his turn finally came, he stood and said, “If I could not be who I am, I would most like to be” and he paused to take his wife’s hand  “Lady Churchill’s second husband.”

People with dissatisfying relationships expect a great one to magically show up.  Couples with a great relationship look for ways to make it satisfying.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Starting Off With A Positive Attitude, by Author Mark Webb, M.S., L.M.F.T. aka “The Relationship Specialist”

Excerpt from Video and Articles: “Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this! This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this! These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal. I have unshakable peace of mind. Nothing bothers me. Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace and build a positive attitude. ”

Let Mark Guide you into a Positive Attitude, for more information check out http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/2009/12/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude/
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Author’s Bio:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner.

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Starting Off With A Positive Attitude, by Author Mark Webb, M.S., L.M.F.T. aka “The Relationship Specialist”

Excerpt from Video and Articles: “Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this! This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this! These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal. I have unshakable peace of mind. Nothing bothers me. Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace and build a positive attitude. ”

Let Mark Guide you into a Positive Attitude, for more information check out http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/2009/12/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude/
—————————————- ————————
Author’s Bio:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner.

Share on Facebook

Starting Off With A Positive Attitude, by Author Mark Webb, M.S., L.M.F.T. aka “The Relationship Specialist”

Excerpt from Video and Articles: “Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this!  This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this!  These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire.  You are making it much more intense.  Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal.  I have unshakable peace of mind.  Nothing bothers me.  Your thoughts will direct your emotions.  Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace. ”

Let Mark Guide you into a Positive Attitude, for more information check out http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/2009/12/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude/

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Your Best Self…
…Will Build A Better Relationship

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development.  Stop waiting for the “some day” that never seems to come.  Stop waiting for people and circumstances to change.  Instead change what you can, yourself. Don’t settle for less than you can be.  Strive to be your best self.  When you take better care of yourself, everybody wins.  You will be a better partner and for that matter, a better parent, a better friend, and a better citizen.  Everybody benefits from your personal development.
This may sound a little odd but always work harder on yourself than you do your job.  You can change the word “job” to any other area of responsibility such as your marriage or your children.  I’m not telling you to go to work tomorrow and put your feet up on your desk with your hands behind your head.  If you do, then your supervisor will firmly ask you, “What do you think you’re doing?”  I don’t think your boss will appreciate it if you respond, “I’m just taking care of myself today.”  What I am telling you to do is to take better care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Self-responsibility is the goal here, not selfishness.  You are not trying to be first but rather the best that you can be.  You are taking care of yourself for the people that you love.  It’s like the pregnant mother who quits smoking for the sake of her unborn child.  Or the grandfather who starts an exercise and nutrition program because he wants to watch his grandchildren grow up.  By taking better care of us, others will benefit.  This can also be compared to keeping your car tuned up.  The tune-ups will get you better mileage and the engine will last much longer.
Your decision to improve is the starting point.  Decide to take charge of your life TODAY!  Decide to separate yourself from the crowd that only makes excuses for why they aren’t living life to the fullest.  Their excuses are based on fear.  You must conquer your fears.  If you listen to your fears, you will never know your truest potential.  Your fears will act as roadblocks that keep you from experiencing all of the good things that life has to offer.  Fear can fill your mind with thoughts that will hold you back.  These thoughts may be such as, “I can’t”, “It’s been tried before”, “It’s too hard” and “I’m not good enough”.  It doesn’t take much of this before you no longer trust your instincts.  All of us have been through trials of many kinds.  It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.  Your past doesn’t predict your future.  Don’t be afraid to live.  I challenge you to respond positively, not negatively, to the things that happen to you.
When it looks like you’ve exhausted all of the possibilities, remember this “You Haven’t”!  Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills.  Surround yourself with people and resources that have the answers for self-improvement.  If you have a weakness, you need to be strong enough to admit it and then get some help to correct it.  Commit yourself to at least fifteen to thirty minutes per day of study for self-improvement.  This can be reading, listening to a tape, or watching a program but make sure you get your time in.  You can miss a meal but don’t miss this time of study.  Focus on topics that promote spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental growth.  Life will become much easier as you become better equipped to handle its challenges.
What could you do with your life if you really decide to?  How do you want to be remembered?  Stay away from the dead end street of comparing yourself to others.  Doing your best is more important than being the best.  Choose to make the most of each and every day.  By building a solid foundation of self-improvement you will have so much more to offer to the ones you love.  When you are your best self everybody wins.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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