How would you like to increase the odds in your favor that your marriage will be head and shoulders above the rest?  Now a days men and women, especially young people are skeptical about the possibility of having a great marriage.  So many couples seem to be unhappy.  Is there hope that a wonderful marriage can exist?  You can bet on it and here are 10 of the secrets for guaranteeing your success.

(1)    Accept and Embrace Your Partner’s Differences.
A common dilemma for couples is to try and change their partner.  Sure they may have annoying habits or mannerisms but as soon as you start criticizing them or trying to reform their wrongness, your partner will resist you.  They’ll become defensive and then it becomes a battle of wills.  It may take years to determine whose will is the strongest and the marriage may not be able to endure this challenge.  From my years of experience, the fastest way to change them is to accept and embrace their differences and they’ll give them up much faster.

(2)    Staying Connected Is More Important Than Being Right.
Memorize this statement:  “You Can’t Be Right and Be Married!”

You need to decide, which it is going to be.  The sooner you decide to be married, the happier the marriage will be.

(3)    You Get Out Of It What You Put Into It.
If you want the best that marriage can offer, then you need to put your best into it.  The amount of energy you give your marriage will determine the degree of passion and the length of the honeymoon.

(4)    Regularly Get Away From Your Daily Routine.
This doesn’t have to be a vacation.  It can equate to an afternoon in the park.  If one of you normally does the grocery shopping, then go together.  Look for simple ways to mix up the routine so the relationship doesn’t become dull.  Keep your partner on their toes, but in a positive way.

(5)    Convey Your Partner’s Importance To Them.
If you get this point right, you will score in a big way.  Hardly anyone gets this one right.  Make sure that your partner knows with absolute certainty that:
(a)    They Are Enough For You.  Let your partner know that you only have eyes for them.
(b)    That You Are Always There For Them.  It’s easy to be there for your partner when they are happy but a great spouse will be there even when their partner is moody or worse.

(6)    Fight Fairly.
Treat your spouse with respect even if you are angry or upset.  Strive to exemplify honor towards your mate even if they are not doing that in return.  Set an example.  Don’t use language you wouldn’t want your partner to hear.  Don’t pull up too many past grievances.  Don’t say things you cannot take back.  Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

(7)    Make The Marriage The Priority.
Work is important and so are your children but be careful how you set your priorities.  Marriage cannot always be the priority but it should find itself at the top of the list most of the time.

(8)    Savor Every Day.
Don’t take your spouse for granted.  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone so always make the most of every moment with your spouse.  How would you treat your spouse today if you knew they were going to die at midnight?  I bet your day would be a lot different.  How would you look at them?  How would you hold them?  What would you say?  I wonder how your marriage will be if you exercise this discipline for the next 2 to 4 weeks.

(9)    Talk About Your Future Together.
Spend time sharing your goals and dreams for you as a couple.  This gives reassurance and hope to the marriage which in turn helps strengthen the sense of commitment.  Talk about places you would like to visit and things you would like to do together.

(10)    Believe In The “Fairy Tale” Aspects Of Love.
Life can be hard but do not let it make you hard.  Hold on to the belief of happy endings.  Believe in princes and princesses and the innocence of love.  Once you stop believing, you become jaded.  Once this happens, the magic of love will eventually die.  This may sound childish or illogical but this believing will keep your marriage forever young.

Having a great marriage is possible and your efforts will bring you many wonderful rewards.  You just have to make the decision to have a great marriage and then strive to be consistent with your efforts.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Share on Facebook

Has your relationship fallen into a routine in which the passion has fizzled or perhaps even been extinguished?  How would you like to rekindle the spark that used to burn so passionately?  You may have a solid marriage that has weathered the storms of life, but this can still lead to complacency.  With some effort, you can ignite passion in your relationship all year long.

So many couples wait for factors to line up perfectly as in a solar eclipse before they experience the renewal of passion between them.  You can make passion as predictable as a sunrise but you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.  You have to stretch your thinking into new areas you didn’t even know existed before.  Are you willing to change how you do things?

1. Two critical things will determine the future of your relationship.  If you’re not careful these two things will negatively influence the quality of your relationship.
2. The Information You Take In.  Positive information will attract positive circumstances.  Fill your mind up with stories of happy loving couples who enjoy being together instead of stories of hateful divorces.  Study books and attend seminars that focus on the enrichment of relationships. Everyone can learn more when it comes to relationships.  Commit yourself to learn all you can, so that you can become a great partner.
3. The People You Associate With.  Individuals or couples can either drag you down or inspire you to new heights.  Create distance between you and the negative ones.  If you can’t create distance because they are family or coworkers, at least limit the length of your interactions. I used to say to tell my clients:  “Don’t associate with any negative people!  Period!”  I have done a lot of research on this subject and I have found out you can actually associate with about four or five negative people.  For some of us, that’s just enough room to fit our families in.

Renew your resolve to make your relationship passionate.  Make a conscious decision and then take
Meaningful steps towards this goal.  Remind yourself of this goal each and every day.

1. Here are some strategies to help propel your passion for each other to new heights. Arrange for a babysitter.  Most men consider this to be the woman’s responsibilty but all women love it when the man takes the initiative.  This strategy alone will blow her doors off.  Ask family or friends to watch your children and then return the favor.
2. Run away from home.  Daily routines can douse the flames of passion.  Get away for a night or two.  Develop a friendship with a travel agent and ask them to remind you from time to time of your resolve to make your relationship a passionate one.

If money is an issue then you might want to consider friends or family members who have a vacation home or perhaps you could trade homes with someone for a weekend.

1. Tell your partner why you love him or her, not just that you do.  This could be by writing a love letter or by whispering in their ear while sitting in the movie theatre.  ( By the way guys, women crave love letters from the man she loves.)
2. Plan time to be together.  Don’t just wait for it to happen.  Passion is increased by anticipation.
3. Schedule  a date and let the two of you revel in the possibilities.  This builds up the excitement.
4. Dress up for each other.  This used to be a top priority but once we seal the deal, we tend to neglect the extra shower and the splash of cologne/ perfume.  Make the effort to present your best self.  I also encourage you to workout in order to stay in shape.  Do your best to maintain your health and your youth.

Is your relationship growing in passion?  Don’t lose the fun and excitement that should and could be yours. Start today with a conscious effort to set your passion on fire.

Warmest Regards,
Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Share on Facebook

All couples enter into marriage with the expectation that their passion for each other will endure forever.  We believe the statistic that one out of two marriages in the United States ends up in divorce will not somehow apply to us.  All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases.  Unless you want to be one of the millions of couples who are stuck in leading dull and exciting lives you must decide to work on giving your marriage the attention it deserves.  It is possible to keep the flames of passion alive.

In the beginning, passionate feelings and romantic gestures seemed to flow without much effort.  As time goes on, we settle into routines and many couples forget to do the things that keep their passion alive.  You have to be proactive.  You must make an effort to stay connected.  You must make up your mind that you will love your spouse.  It is not something that is just going to happen.

If you want to have a passionate relationship then you need to invest your time in your spouse.  I do not believe that we forget how to be passionate towards the one we love.  We just do not make it our priority.  However, in case I need to jog our memory, I suggest you pull out photographs of when you and your spouse first met.  Study your expression.  How did you look at him?  How did you talk to her?  Could you listen to her for hours?  Did you comfort him if he was discouraged?  Remember how you carried yourself.  Remember how you used to drive twenty minutes out of your way to see her for five minutes.  Once you have recaptured these memories then make a commitment to live your today’s with your spouse in this same manner.

Let me share some more strategies on how you can keep the flames of passion alive:

1. Plan a special day together for just the two of you.  Perhaps take a day off work to do so.
2. Be playful.  Laugh together.
3. Write a love letter to your spouse.  Make it a little unpredictable.  Say things you might not ordinarily say.
4. Take walks together.  Consider a walk on a moonlit night.
5. Take turns initiating affection so that it does not always fall under the responsibility of the same partner.
6. Go on a picnic.
7. Go to a romantic restaurant from time to time, not always to a family buffet.
8. Have candlelight dinners at home.
9. Watch romantic movies.
10. Go on a weekend getaway.
11. Hold hands.
12. Hold your spouse in such a way that he/she knows you care.
13. Slow dance to music.
14. Send your wife flowers for no other reason than to let her know you love her.  (If your wife pays the bills, pay for the flowers at the florist yourself.  Do not let the bill come home for her to have to write a check for her own flowers.

You might say, “But Mark, we have children and we are constantly on the go.”  Here are some strategies you can implement:

1. Make sure the children go to bed at a decent hour so you will have time together alone.
2. If you have teenagers, plan Saturday morning dates when they tend to sleep in.
3. A date does not have to mean dinner and a movie.  A date can be anything that gives you an opportunity to concentrate on each other.  From my experience, a standard date night does not work well for couples with children.
4. Create a romantic atmosphere in your home.  This may be as simple as lighting candles or dimming the lights.
5. Always give your spouse a goodbye hug and kiss before leaving in the morning.
6. When you return home, always greet your spouse first, even though the children will run to the door first.
7. Say,  “I love you ” often.
8. Save some of your best self each day for your spouse.  Do not give them the leftovers.
9. Look at old photographs and reminisce together.
10. Respect your spouse even when you disagree.  Never belittle your spouse, whether or not others are around.

If you want good health, you must eat right and exercise.  If you want a marriage that embraces passion, you must take the time to enjoy the company of the person you love.  I believe that passion can be recaptured and grow to unimaginable dimensions.  Decide to be a passionate spouse.

Start today.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Share on Facebook

Share on Facebook