You become what you think about!  I call this the Formula For Success.  If you want to improve in any way, you have to change your self concept.  You can be no bigger than your self image.  If you have a poor self image, you are not going to get very far.  Most of us have had our growth stunted by the negative influence of other people’s opinions.  I’m here to tell you that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t have to be your reality.

Inside of you lies the seed of achievement which, if activated, will lead you to levels of fulfillment that you may never have hoped to reach.  You can do things that are beyond your greatest imagination if you will start seeing yourself bigger than you presently are.  See yourself as successful and fulfilled in all areas of your life.  Think in terms of your health, emotional well-being, spirituality and family/community connectedness.  You daydream anyway; so why not harness the energy of what you are already doing?

The Bible says, “As a man thinketh, so shall he become…”  So see yourself as more than capable to handle whatever comes your way.  Know that you are competent and resourceful.  Maintain an image of being unstoppable.  Keep your mind on the things that you want and off the things you don’t want.  This is why worrying is so dangerous.  This is how you build mountains out of molehills.

As a therapist, a large part of what I do is to teach people how to focus their attention.  A positive attitude toward treatment has a tremendous effect on the outcome.  People’s expectations impact how they behave.  If patients expect to get well, they are more likely to be compliant with the medical recommendations presented.  The resulting benefits are a stronger immune system, more energy, enthusiasm, creativity and happiness.

Being optimistic is the single greatest quality you can develop.  It is imperative to decide exactly what you want and to focus on ideal outcomes.  Expect positive results.  Visualize your goals as if they were already attained.  Make your life all that it can be!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

1. Remember that it is an adjustment to being together. Give it time. Working out the questions of who is going to do what and how should it be done can cause conflict. Questions like, ” Who is going to pay the bills?” “Who is going to clean the bathrooms?” “Which church are we going to attend?” must be answered. Don’t let these adjustment challenges come between you and the one you love.
2. Embrace your spouse’s differences versus criticizing them or trying to change them. Be your spouse’s biggest fan. Stay away from stereotypes that your partner won’t be able to fulfill. You will break their spirit if you expect them to be just like your mom, your dad, or someone else you admire. Be appreciative of your spouse. It takes time for a marriage to mature.
3. Fortify your commitment to each other. Never threaten divorce. You’ll probably think about it at some point in your marriage but don’t ever say it. (This does not apply to situations that involve abuse.) Threatening divorce will dilute the commitment between you. Your message needs to be, “I’m Here For You No Matter What.”
4. Don’t let friends, parents, or in-laws interfere with your marriage. You are inviting trouble if you do. Be quick to set limits with people who try and interfere with your marriage. By not speaking up you will be setting yourselves up to have your marriage undermined. You and your spouse need to establish your own expectations for your marriage.
5. Try not to go to bed angry. Staying connected to each other is more important. However, if you catch yourselves in a situation in which emotions are too high, you may have to back off and readdress the matter at a later time. Conflict if handled properly can be productive. Promise to fight fairly and do the right thing even if you don’t feel like it.

Keep These Points In Mind At Times Of Conflict

* Don’t Yell
* Don’t Out Talk Them
* Don’t Use Profanity
* Don’t Interrupt
* Don’t Name Call
* Don’t Dismiss Their Ideas As Stupid
* Don’t throw all of your problems into the conflict.
* Don’t Forget That You Love Each Other.
* Try and stick to the subject at hand.

6. Get away with each other about every 6 to 8 weeks. This means by yourselves. No friends, no parents, and no children. I know this is easier said than done but it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. It can be a simple day trip to a near-by town or state park. So near-by or far away, just go. My Marriage and Family Therapy Professor at Valdosta State University, Dr. John Curtis, used to teach us that this is one of the best ways to keep your marriage fresh and alive.

If you are a newlywed, practice these principles. If you’ve been married for a while, recommit yourself to these principles. Strive To Have A Wonderful Marriage.

Best Of Wishes,
Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

The courtship process is crucial.  It gives you and your partner an opportunity to sort out if you are suitable for each other.  A couple of questions you can use to decide if a potential partner is right for you are:

a) Would I want to have a child with this person?
b) Would I be willing to spend my life with this person if they never changed from the way they are now?

Choosing the right partner needs to center around finding a person with good character.  Remember, beauty fades and a charming personality won’t pay the bills.  As a rule of thumb, don’t date anyone you know you wouldn’t want to marry because you never know whom you’ll fall in love with.

Scarlet O’Hara, in Gone with the Wind said, “I can’t think about that now.  I’ll go crazy if I do.  I’ll think about it tomorrow.”  It’s this kind of thinking that gets you into all sorts of trouble.  Pay attention to your instincts.  Warning!! Where there is smoke, there is usually fire.  Here are some of the common things to watch out for:

·        Someone who wants everything now.
·        A fiery temper.
·        Being too picky.
·        Your family doesn’t like him or her.
·        Wanting someone to take care of them.
·        They mistreat other people.
·        They are not over a past love.
·        Any kind of “holic”.
·        People who are mentally and/or emotionally unavailable.
·        Someone who holds grudges.
·        They don’t listen.
·        They don’t call to say they are running late.
·        They have an “it doesn’t matter” attitude.
·        One wants children and the other doesn’t.
·        Incompatible spiritual beliefs.

Few couples, if any, are completely united when the marriage vows are spoken.  The real union develops in the work of the years to come.  When a man and woman marry, they become One.  The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.  Couples need to learn how to make room for their differences and to allow them to peacefully co-exist.  When a couple is strongly connected, all problems become manageable.  When a couple isn’t connected, the smallest challenges seem insurmountable.

If you wait until you are ready for marriage, you never will be.  Marriage is on the job training.  Here are some strategies for becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right.

·        Be kind no matter what.
·        Listen, and then comment if necessary.
·        Commit yourself to your partner.
·        Be respectful.
·        Be quick to apologize and forgive.
·        Remember all holidays and anniversaries
·        Say, “Thank you” and “I love you” often.
·        Decide to be a Great Partner
·        Make your partner’s happiness a priority.

Here is a living example of a Right Couple:

Winston Churchill once attended a formal banquet in which the distinguished guests were asked the question, “If you could not be who you are, who would you like to be?”

Everyone was curious as to how Churchill would answer.  When his turn finally came, he stood and said, “If I could not be who I am, I would most like to be” and he paused to take his wife’s hand  “Lady Churchill’s second husband.”

People with dissatisfying relationships expect a great one to magically show up.  Couples with a great relationship look for ways to make it satisfying.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Excerpt from Video and Articles: “Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this! This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this! These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal. I have unshakable peace of mind. Nothing bothers me. Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace and build a positive attitude. ”

Let Mark Guide you into a Positive Attitude, for more information check out http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/2009/12/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude/
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Author’s Bio:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner.

Here are 7 simple but powerful strategies to help you become a more positive person.

1.     Wake Up Happy.  I meet so many people who start their day off with negative statements like “I don’t want to go to work today.”  “I don’t want to go to school.”  “I’m so tired.”  “I can’t wake up until I have my morning coffee.”
Train yourself to Wake Up Happy.  You can sing in the shower or listen to music that is uplifting.  You could have breakfast with someone you like who is positive and optimistic.  You could have a morning prayer time or read a devotional.

By training yourself to wake up happy, you are setting the pace of your day.  Don’t leave your attitude to be determined by other people or situations beyond your control.  Start your day with a positive note.

2.     Take Control Of Your Physiology.  What I mean by this is that you pay attention to how you use your body.  Walk or stand up straight.  Walk 15% to 25% faster.  Take full, deep breaths.  Use a wider range of tonality and facial expressions.  Maintain good eye contact.  Observe people who you believe are positive and energetic.  Notice how they carry themselves.  Positive people carry themselves differently than negative people do.  Think of times in your life in which you were feeling your best.  Reflect back on your posture, the gestures you make, and your tone of voice.  Learn how to master your previous positive states and mirror the physiology of those you want to emulate.

3.     Your Language Determines Your Destiny.  Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive.  The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive.  People don’t know what you’re thinking but this doesn’t give you permission to be inconsistent.  Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be.  The language you use can either build you up or psych you out.  Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner.  Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.  Here are a few that will derail you every time:  “I’m so nervous”, “I’m so depressed”, I have a bad temper”.  If you are going to put labels on yourself, at least use empowering ones.  Try these on and notice the difference.  “I’m in excellent health and have boundless energy!”  “I never get sick!”  “I have unshakeable peace of mind!”  “I’m a Great Wife!”  “I’m a Great Husband!”

4.     Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In.  I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.

5.     Expect The Best Of Yourself And Others.  Keep your mind tuned into the things you want and off of the things you don’t want.  Your brain has a mechanism that is designed to notice things that are similar to your existing thoughts.  Think of the last time you purchased a car.  Do you remember prior to the purchase, you hadn’t noticed that many cars like yours but the moment you drive it off the car lot you start to see them all over the place.  This is how it is when you expect the best.  Your brain will lead you to the expectations you desire.  Make sure your thoughts are tuned into positive things.

6.     Associate With Winners.  A winner is someone who is positive, optimistic, lives life to the fullest, and inspires you to be your best self.  Strive to limit your interactions with negative people.  Negative people will drain you of your energy and sense of hope.

7.     Seek Out The Power Of Role Models.  Stop trying to reinvent the wheel.  Seek out people in our community who are excelling in the areas you want to better yourself.  This can be a great parent or spouse, a successful business person, a strong spiritual example, or student.  The paths to success have already been paved.  If you follow them, you are sure to succeed as well.  An outstanding role model can save you years of trial and error.

You can alter the course of your life by altering your attitude.  Nothing can stop a person with a positive mental attitude from achieving their goals.  On the flipside, nothing can help a person with a negative attitude.  Commit yourself to starting off your todays with a positive attitude.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Excerpt from Video and Articles: “Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this! This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this! These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal. I have unshakable peace of mind. Nothing bothers me. Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace and build a positive attitude. ”

Let Mark Guide you into a Positive Attitude, for more information check out http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/2009/12/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude/
—————————————- ————————
Author’s Bio:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner.

Your Best Self…
…Will Build A Better Relationship

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development.  Stop waiting for the “some day” that never seems to come.  Stop waiting for people and circumstances to change.  Instead change what you can, yourself. Don’t settle for less than you can be.  Strive to be your best self.  When you take better care of yourself, everybody wins.  You will be a better partner and for that matter, a better parent, a better friend, and a better citizen.  Everybody benefits from your personal development.
This may sound a little odd but always work harder on yourself than you do your job.  You can change the word “job” to any other area of responsibility such as your marriage or your children.  I’m not telling you to go to work tomorrow and put your feet up on your desk with your hands behind your head.  If you do, then your supervisor will firmly ask you, “What do you think you’re doing?”  I don’t think your boss will appreciate it if you respond, “I’m just taking care of myself today.”  What I am telling you to do is to take better care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Self-responsibility is the goal here, not selfishness.  You are not trying to be first but rather the best that you can be.  You are taking care of yourself for the people that you love.  It’s like the pregnant mother who quits smoking for the sake of her unborn child.  Or the grandfather who starts an exercise and nutrition program because he wants to watch his grandchildren grow up.  By taking better care of us, others will benefit.  This can also be compared to keeping your car tuned up.  The tune-ups will get you better mileage and the engine will last much longer.
Your decision to improve is the starting point.  Decide to take charge of your life TODAY!  Decide to separate yourself from the crowd that only makes excuses for why they aren’t living life to the fullest.  Their excuses are based on fear.  You must conquer your fears.  If you listen to your fears, you will never know your truest potential.  Your fears will act as roadblocks that keep you from experiencing all of the good things that life has to offer.  Fear can fill your mind with thoughts that will hold you back.  These thoughts may be such as, “I can’t”, “It’s been tried before”, “It’s too hard” and “I’m not good enough”.  It doesn’t take much of this before you no longer trust your instincts.  All of us have been through trials of many kinds.  It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.  Your past doesn’t predict your future.  Don’t be afraid to live.  I challenge you to respond positively, not negatively, to the things that happen to you.
When it looks like you’ve exhausted all of the possibilities, remember this “You Haven’t”!  Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills.  Surround yourself with people and resources that have the answers for self-improvement.  If you have a weakness, you need to be strong enough to admit it and then get some help to correct it.  Commit yourself to at least fifteen to thirty minutes per day of study for self-improvement.  This can be reading, listening to a tape, or watching a program but make sure you get your time in.  You can miss a meal but don’t miss this time of study.  Focus on topics that promote spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental growth.  Life will become much easier as you become better equipped to handle its challenges.
What could you do with your life if you really decide to?  How do you want to be remembered?  Stay away from the dead end street of comparing yourself to others.  Doing your best is more important than being the best.  Choose to make the most of each and every day.  By building a solid foundation of self-improvement you will have so much more to offer to the ones you love.  When you are your best self everybody wins.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com