Here are 7 simple but powerful strategies to help you become a more positive person.

1.     Wake Up Happy.  I meet so many people who start their day off with negative statements like “I don’t want to go to work today.”  “I don’t want to go to school.”  “I’m so tired.”  “I can’t wake up until I have my morning coffee.”
Train yourself to Wake Up Happy.  You can sing in the shower or listen to music that is uplifting.  You could have breakfast with someone you like who is positive and optimistic.  You could have a morning prayer time or read a devotional.

By training yourself to wake up happy, you are setting the pace of your day.  Don’t leave your attitude to be determined by other people or situations beyond your control.  Start your day with a positive note.

2.     Take Control Of Your Physiology.  What I mean by this is that you pay attention to how you use your body.  Walk or stand up straight.  Walk 15% to 25% faster.  Take full, deep breaths.  Use a wider range of tonality and facial expressions.  Maintain good eye contact.  Observe people who you believe are positive and energetic.  Notice how they carry themselves.  Positive people carry themselves differently than negative people do.  Think of times in your life in which you were feeling your best.  Reflect back on your posture, the gestures you make, and your tone of voice.  Learn how to master your previous positive states and mirror the physiology of those you want to emulate.

3.     Your Language Determines Your Destiny.  Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive.  The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive.  People don’t know what you’re thinking but this doesn’t give you permission to be inconsistent.  Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be.  The language you use can either build you up or psych you out.  Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner.  Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.  Here are a few that will derail you every time:  “I’m so nervous”, “I’m so depressed”, I have a bad temper”.  If you are going to put labels on yourself, at least use empowering ones.  Try these on and notice the difference.  “I’m in excellent health and have boundless energy!”  “I never get sick!”  “I have unshakeable peace of mind!”  “I’m a Great Wife!”  “I’m a Great Husband!”

4.     Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In.  I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.

5.     Expect The Best Of Yourself And Others.  Keep your mind tuned into the things you want and off of the things you don’t want.  Your brain has a mechanism that is designed to notice things that are similar to your existing thoughts.  Think of the last time you purchased a car.  Do you remember prior to the purchase, you hadn’t noticed that many cars like yours but the moment you drive it off the car lot you start to see them all over the place.  This is how it is when you expect the best.  Your brain will lead you to the expectations you desire.  Make sure your thoughts are tuned into positive things.

6.     Associate With Winners.  A winner is someone who is positive, optimistic, lives life to the fullest, and inspires you to be your best self.  Strive to limit your interactions with negative people.  Negative people will drain you of your energy and sense of hope.

7.     Seek Out The Power Of Role Models.  Stop trying to reinvent the wheel.  Seek out people in our community who are excelling in the areas you want to better yourself.  This can be a great parent or spouse, a successful business person, a strong spiritual example, or student.  The paths to success have already been paved.  If you follow them, you are sure to succeed as well.  An outstanding role model can save you years of trial and error.

You can alter the course of your life by altering your attitude.  Nothing can stop a person with a positive mental attitude from achieving their goals.  On the flipside, nothing can help a person with a negative attitude.  Commit yourself to starting off your todays with a positive attitude.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Do You Have Trouble Keeping Your Mouth Shut When You Are Angry?

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”  If you answered yes to the title question I am sure you have realized the truth in this quote by Ambrose Bierce.  In order to gain control over your tongue you must be determined to see things differently.  People who lose their temper tend to view life in a negative and judgmental way.  You have the ability to direct your mind away from angry and upset feelings.  You need to realize that you can have peace of mind instead of conflict.
This article will cover a variety of mindsets and behaviors that will teach you how to keep your mouth shut when you are angry.

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth.  Use them in this proportion.  It’s better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker.  Listen carefully to what the other person has to say.  Take your time before giving them an answer.
2. Don’t be double minded.  You can’t have peace of mind and conflict at the same time.  Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want.  (Example: “I want to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.”).
3. You can’t be right and be married.  You have to decide “Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?”  Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you.  Instead, strive to do the right thing.
4. Don’t jump to conclusions.  Slow down and think through the situation.
5. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head.  I often hear people say, “I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I have.”  You can and you must.
6. As I was writing this, my daughter reminded me of Thumper’s quote in the movie, “Bambi”.  “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say nothing at all.”  This is always good advice.
7. Don’t overreact to criticism.  Beneath the criticism is an underlying message.  Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings.  I compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap.  What happens when the mouse takes the cheese?  He gets his tail caught in the trap.  That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism.  Don’t take the bait.  Listen for the underlying message.
8. Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, “I hate this!”  “This is driving me crazy!” “I can’t stand this!”  These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire.  You are making it much more intense.  Replace these with positive declarations such as “I can handle this.” “This is not that big of a deal.”  “I have unshakeable peace of mind.”  “Nothing bothers me.”  Your thoughts will direct your emotions.  Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace.
9. If someone uses absolute terms like “always”, “never”, “everybody”, and “nobody”; don’t take them literally.  These are emotional terms.  If your wife says “You never take me anywhere.”  and you know that’s not true; don’t take it as a personal attack.  Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to spend some time with you.
10. Don’t overreact and don’t give advice too quickly.  This only trains people not to be open with you.
11. Don’t try to get in the last word.  It’s not worth the damage you could do by trying to win or be heard.
12. If you are angry repeat this scripture based verse in your head, “In all things be self controlled.”  Say it over and over so that you don’t get derailed into an argument.
13. There is life and death in the spoken word.  Make sure your words build people up versus tearing them down.
14. Remember to breathe.  Stick with the basics.  When you are upset, take a few deep breaths.
15. Strive to use an approach that promotes honor and respect.  This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.
16. Realize that your anger most likely is not going to help solve the problem and may actually make the matter worse.
17. Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter.  This leads to conflict resolution.  Trying to be right or show your might will lead to conflict.
18. Staying connected is more important than making your point.

The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you.  You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future.  All it takes is a decision.  Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret.  Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.  Develop the power of a tamed tongue.

Best of Wishes,

Mark Webb