“I am a great believer in luck, and I find that the harder I work, the more I have of it.”
~Thomas Jefferson

In June of 2008, I won two titles as World Champion in Songahm Taekwondo at the World Championships in Little Rock, Arkansas. Many of my readers didn’t know I have a Fourth Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. After winning the titles of World Champion in Forms and Weapons, I have frequently been asked how I achieved this challenging goal.

Angela Crance with Valdosta Technical College asked me to speak at the annual leadership conference – A Gathering of Eagles. At this event, I shared some of the training principles I applied to the achievement of this goal. I believe these principles will make a champion of anyone who applies them; whether you want to be a leader in your organization, a great partner, an amazing parent, or a wonderful friend. Whatever your dream may be, these principles will work in any area of your life.

One of the main lessons I learned in my quest was that you set a goal not for the achievement itself but for what you become in the process.

Here are 7 Principles for Success:

1). If you want the things that most people do not have, you must be willing to do the things that most people will not do. Determine that you will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes. Be willing to pay the price. The rewards of a goal obtained are usually worth it. Keep your priorities straight and you won’t have any regrets. Be willing to do more than the average person. Do not settle for less than what you are truly capable of achieving.
2). Work so hard that if you fail you will have no excuses. When I returned from the Taekwondo Fall National Tournament in October 2007, I was very discouraged. I did not place in any event. I had competed against the best in the country and my performance was not in their league. I decided that I was going to give my training all that I could give. I would train every morning and again when I finished work for the day. I was not going to allow any slack in my efforts over the next eight months to follow. I would make no exceptions because if I lost at the 2008 World Championships I did not want to live with the awareness that if I had trained harder at some point along the way, I might have won.
3). Show Up…and then just keep moving. Most people’s dreams will never become a reality because people never even begin. Most people never get beyond the “thinking about it” stage. If you will simply get started you will be surprised at how things will evolve. It is like the Chinese Proverb, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” So if your goal is to become a leader in your industry, read a book on the subject. Then read another or perhaps go to a seminar. Maybe you could talk with someone in our community who is already doing what you want to do and ask them their secrets to success. Success leaves clues. Follow the steps. These steps added together will eventually create a leader out of you.
4). Have a question that drives you. A great question can keep you going. A lot of my training had to be done outdoors because my competition weapon was a bow staff (a six foot long wooden staff). I love to work out but I struggled almost every morning with getting out of bed. There were many cold, rainy mornings when I did not want to get out of bed at 5:00 am. The question that kept me going was “What would a champion do?”
Even though my body said, “NO”, my heart answered, “A champion would get up and start his training.” And I did.

Your question could be: What would a great husband or wife do? What would a great father or mother do?

5). Tap into the power of your hardheadedness. If you are like most of us, you are hardheaded. Use this attribute to your advantage. I like working with hardheaded clients because once they decide to do something, they achieve it. Make your mind up that your are going to accomplish your goal. Pretend that someone has said to you that you are not man or woman enough to do what you have set out to do. You know that pulls your chain; your response is, “I’ll show them!” This determination has amazing power. Tap into it!

6). Call things forth as if they were true. A very simple yet powerful technique is to write down your goals. This can be done privately in a notebook or posted somewhere you will see often. I wrote, “Mark Webb is the 2008 World Champion in Forms and Weapons” on a 5×7 index card and put it on my refrigerator. I saw it every day and six months later it was true.

I also encourage you to say your goal out loud. There is more power in the spoken word. Remember, God spoke the world into existence. You do not have to say it in front of anyone, but it does help you to verbally claim it.

7). Apply your spiritual beliefs. After I had completely prepared myself, I asked God to bless me with victory. I did not ask without having done my part. I had trained daily and traveled many weekends to cities far away. Ask God to bless you in your endeavors.

I encourage you to set big goals. Be committed and persistent. You can have more and be more. Once you achieve this goal, set another, then another.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his websites at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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How To Get Your Husband To Help More Around The House Without Nagging Him To Death

Are you tired of playing out this same scenario?  Men, there is nothing worse than a tired woman who is facing a house full of chores, especially when she sees you laying on the couch watching television with no intention to help whatsoever.

Ladies,   do you realize that you probably have it better than your mama did?  Researchers have discovered that men today do four to five times more household chores than their fathers did.  Still, when you compare between men and women, men do a lot less.

Points That Husbands Should Consider:

1) Husbands, by involving yourself in the housework, you tell your wife that the housework is important and valuable to keeping the home comfortable.  This indirectly tells her, she is also important and valuable.

2) You set a good example for your children.

3) Do the chores with a positive attitude.  She would rather not have your help than listen to you grumble the whole time.

4) Make the housework part of your together time.  As you do the chores you can also talk about how your days went.

5) Every wife appreciates your help, especially if you do it without her having to ask you.

6) Is this how you would treat a date or your best friend?  If you don’t think the chores are your responsibility, then do them out of the love you feel for your wife.  This will give her an opportunity to relax with you afterwards which will most likely lay the groundwork for more romantic endeavors.

7) When she divorces you for not helping her; you’ll be doing all of it by yourself.  You should really think about this one.

1) Ask Him.  I know you’re thinking, “I shouldn’t have to.  It’s his house too!”  I agree.  If you want to get this train rolling then I suggest you ask him and do so in a loving manner.  Explain in a calm manner how your predicament of doing the housework is negatively impacting you.

2) Don’t Give Him A List.  Men tend to reject lists unless they made the list themselves.  If you stack too many requests on a guy too soon you will be doomed to fail with this transformation.

3) Play Music That He Likes.  Music calms the savage beast.  Turn it up.  You could find a ballgame on the radio as an alternative.

4) Don’t Play Games.  Some “experts” suggest that you let the housework go.  The premise is that a cleaning strike will show him how valuable you are.  However this will backfire.  Your husband will step over and walk around the point you are trying to make.

5) Don’t Nag.  The more you nag, the less he will do.  A contest of wills between the two of you will only produce strife and frustration.

6) Don’t Demand He Do It Now.  Standing over him yelling “Do it now!” won’t help.  Backing off will give him a greater sense of self control which is more conducive with how men operate.

7) Focus On What He Does, Not On What He Doesn’t Do.  How would you like it if your husband pointed out your flaws and never noticed your good qualities?  You would grow to resent him.  It’s the same with men and housework.

8) Are Your Expectations Too High?  Be careful not to over-critique his work.  Don’t dismiss him in an angry huff if he doesn’t do the job just the way you want.  He will respond from then on with, “It’s never good enough for you so why don’t you do it yourself.”

9) Teach Him.  You might be surprised to learn that your husband was never taught how to use a mop or operate the washing machine.  Even if he does know how he may not do it the way you would like.  Don’t get aggravated, teach him how.  Most husbands want to please their wife.

10)Consider Marriage Counseling.  If nothing seems to be working, therapy may uncover the root cause of the problem.

11)Increase Your Appreciation.  Give him the words of thank you that you probably aren’t getting yourself.  Positive reinforcement works well on encouraging repeat performance.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his websites at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Have you built walls around your heart in order to protect yourself?  It is rare that I will meet an adult who has not done so.  Most adults have a list of names of people who have hurt them.  Eventually they become some sort of island fortress.  They strive to not allow themselves to feel anything too strong for another person.  Perhaps the person you are involved with now is the one who pushed you to put the final brick in the wall.  If you have learned to shut your partner out of your heart, I want to challenge you to make another attempt at reconnecting with them.  Do not allow yourself to become lifeless.  It is a slow and painful death if you do.

Maybe the relationship got off track because you viewed it as serious business.  Too many people try so hard to prevent the mistakes their parents made that they regard a relationship as a task.  A relationship does not need to be seen as a task.  Instead, it should be viewed as something to be enjoyed.  You can kill the love between you rather quickly if you stop the enjoyment of your partner’s company.  I appreciate the notion that you do not want to repeat the dysfunctional aspects that your parents had in their relationship.  Perhaps your serious approach towards relationships is based on past failures of your own.  Whatever your reason, decide to enjoy your relationship.

Either of these guarded approaches can lead to falling out of love.  Unfortunately, the whole “falling out of love” thing is very common.  If this has happened to you, let me show you a way to reverse this process.

You will probably question, “What’s the use?”

It will seem that the relationship is over.  Do not fall for this lie.  Penetrate past the pain and the fears you may be feeling.

Decide now to do whatever it takes to make your partner happy.  Demand your best efforts from yourself.  The common response is to vacillate between a fair amount of effort and rare episodes of attention.  Instruct yourself to go the extra mile and then some.  Rigorous effort will deliver the ideal results.

“But I don’t know what to do!” you exclaim.

Yes, you do.  Reflect back to the things you used to do that made your partner happy.  What did you do?  I bet your were quite charming.  Your partner was probably enchanted by your wit and thoughtfulness.  Most, likely, you paid more attention to your appearance.  Pursue your partner with the same amount of enthusiasm and passion.

Many years ago, my wife approached me with some photographs taken when we began dating.  I immediately smiled.  You could easily see the passion between us.  We looked like two lions about to devour each other.

Soon the smile faded as I compared the photographs in my hands with those on the mantel.  Even though we appeared happy in the more recent pictures, they did not have the same degree of passion.  I felt sad as I realized how the years had whittled away the romantic intensity.

Lucky for me that I focus more on solutions than I do on obstacles.  I started thinking of how to restore the level of passion.  I knew I couldn’t make her look at me the same way as the earlier photographs but I knew I could make myself look at her the same way.  I spent some time recalling how I used to treat her.  I was charming, funny, encouraging.  I carried myself differently.  I held her more firmly.  I gladly went out of my way for her.  I decided to recapture this side of myself for the sake of my love for her.

Many times, I will run with an experiment like this without telling my wife what I am trying to do.  This time I told her.  She liked the idea and we both were able to recapture the passion.  In fact, we not only rekindled the chemistry between us, we took it to a magnificent dimension.

Discouragement by the lack of immediate results can derail even the most motivated of men and women.  Do not give up at signs of trouble.  You cannot expect instant reconnection.  This is a matter of consistency and patience.

You must be patient and consistent.  No room exists for negative behavior.  You have to show your partner a better offer.  Believe me; they do not want the same old stuff that closed them down in the first place.

Operate from the premise that “It is better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.”

Turning a relationship towards greatness will require sacrifice.

If you are not willing to go beyond the extra mile then you really are not serious.  Your partner will see the lack of effort as well.  It cannot be hidden.  Talk is just talk unless it is backed up with action.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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How To Squeeze The Most Out of Your 24 Hours – 10 Time Management Secrets To Help You Complete Your New Year’s Resolutions

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.”
~ Author Unknown

You have New Year’s Resolutions; you have good intentions; but do you have the time to follow through on these goals and desires?  Time management helps you choose what to do first, what to do second, and what not to do at all.  It gives you the power to organize every aspect of your life.  Here are 10 time management secrets used by the world’s most successful people:
1)     Where Are You Spending Your Time?  Our day can easily slip away with nothing to show for it.  How many hours do you waste each day and each week?  Watching television, surfing the internet and talking on the telephone can steal your time.  Every minute you waste causes deprivation somewhere else.  Many people realize they can go back to school, develop a hobby or skill, or take on a part time job just by giving up things that really aren’t that important.  Train yourself to always ask, “What is the most valuable use of my time right now?”
2)    Prioritize Your To-Do List.  This pushes you to do the most important things first.  It is easy to stop for a moment here and there to complete small tasks.  You think to yourself, “this will only take a minute” but you end up spending your time on unimportant tasks.  Don’t confuse being busy with achievement.  Learn to say “No”.
3)    Focus On One Thing At A Time.  You get what you focus on. You have to learn how to control your focus if you want to be successful in life.  Your focus determines the quality of any area of your life.  Ask yourself, “What is the result I’m after?” then focus your energy towards that outcome.
4)    Use A Daily Planner.  A variety of day planner systems exist.  You can get a planner at any office supply store.  You may have a planner already loaded into your cell phone which is handy to you everywhere you go.  The most expensive ones aren’t necessarily the best.  The simple to use ones tend to get used.  Don’t make this any more complicated than you have to.  I just want you to have a planner that enables you to jot down your appointments and the tasks you want to achieve each day, each week, and each month.  I’ve been taught to never begin the day until it has been finished first on a piece of paper.  Organization is vital to time management.
5)    Set Deadlines.  Forcing yourself to set deadlines will help you get an incredible amount of things accomplished.  Deadlines create a sense of urgency.  Lack of deadlines allows people to lose focus and drift into nonessential tasks.
6)    Be More Decisive.  Once a decision is made, the rest is easy.  Many people get hung up on the fear of making a mistake or a decision that may upset others.  Sometimes it is better to make a wrong decision than no decision at all.  A wrong decision will at least get some type of movement and you can correct from there.  Successful people are decisive.
7)    Schedule Blocks of Time.  Set increments of time such as thirty minutes, an hour, or perhaps two hours and allow yourself to focus only on the task at hand.  If you know you are most productive in the morning, schedule these blocks in the morning.
8)    Prevent Interruptions.  An open door policy is nice yet in order to be as productive as possible you might need to close the door for brief periods.  Train yourself not to answer the telephone every time it rings.  We have the convenience of caller ID, answering machines and voicemail.  Learn to be inaccessible sometimes (except for your husband or wife).
9)    Handle Things Once.  Break the habit of reading mail and memos more than once.  Most of us have a pending stack of things we plan to get back to.  Instead, read it once then respond.  If it doesn’t require a response or decision, throw it away.
10) Strive To Consistently Improve Your Skills.  Dr. Rob Gilbert said, “First we form habits then they form us.  Conquer your bad habits or they’ll eventually conquer you.”  You want to become a master of your time.  Many successful people look like workaholics when in fact they are simply masters of time management.

Put these 10 secrets into action and watch how much you accomplish this year.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” ~Goethe

Would you like to achieve your New Year’s Resolution for once? Each year you set them and soon thereafter you set them aside. Here are the “How To’s” for keeping yourself motivated and focused so that you see your goals become a reality:

Develop An Unwavering Commitment. “I Will Do This No Matter What!” Use your hard headedness to your advantage. If you want to change your life, you must raise your standards. Demand more of yourself than anyone else does. Make no excuses. Refuse to quit. A half-hearted decision will sputter into a failed attempt but a firm decision will propel you to a greater level of being. Change starts the moment you make a decision. What decisions do you need to make? Decision gives you direction. People who have direction accomplish more in all areas of their life. When you set a goal and start controlling your time, things begin to happen. Repeat this statement often, “If it is to be, it is up to me!”

You Have To See It! Visualization is essential to your success. Use the power of your imagination. You daydream anyway so why don’t you fill your mind with visions of yourself and your life the way you would like them to be. See yourself in the position that you have always wanted. See your spouse madly in love with you. See your children having true respect for you and what you represent. See yourself as making a positive difference to our community, our nation and/or the world. You are only limited by your imagination. Think bigger. Don’t psyche yourself out; psyche yourself up! Success always begins in the mind of the beholder.

What Would A Champion Do? You can use whatever title you want, great husband or wife, winner, positive person; I like the world, champion, for where I am in my life right now. As I strive to achieve my 4th Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo, I often ask, “What would a champion do?” when I feel like sleeping in. This question leads to, “He’d get out of bed and do his sit-ups.” And I do because this question motivates me and directs me. I believe that a huge key to success in life is “Be Willing To Do What Most People Won’t Do.”

I asked my Taekwondo instructor, 5th Degree Black Belt, Mitchell Church of Performance Martial Arts in Valdosta for some of his favorite motivational quotes that he uses to train champions. Five of them are:

a. The only person that can defeat you is yourself

b. It’s not how many times you get knocked down but how many times you get back up that count.

c. The three keys to success are: Discipline, Discipline and Discipline.

d. If you feel like quitting, do one more.

e. When it’s crunch time, you find out who you truly are. Don’t wimp out!

Just Show Up And Then Keep Moving. This is one of my favorite secrets to success. Most people think about their desires and goals but they won’t even take the first step. I’ve learned that if you will just show up you will start the necessary momentum. Show up at the gym. Show up at church. Show up at the university. Tell the people at these places what you want to see happen. Let them help you and guide you and then just keep coming back. Success comes when you refuse to quit. These small steps will transform you from where you are to the person you want to be. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s going to be difficult. Challenging times can introduce you to a greater level of yourself. Change your approach but not your decision to get there. Don’t Give Up. Just keep moving success is often a matter of simply hanging on after everyone else has let go.
Success Leaves Clues. Look for others who have accomplished the results you want. Find out what they did and then do the same things or something close to it. Surround yourself with goal oriented people. Avoid complacent people as much as possible. They can be dream stealers. They won’t challenge you to be your best and if you are not careful you will start to compare yourself to them. You will start believing that as long as you are doing better than they are, then you are successful. This is a lie. The status of being successful is only granted to you if you become the best that you can be. You are capable of more than you realize. Give your goals your best effort.
Don’t wait until you feel like doing the task before you. Take action towards it and the feelings will come. If it is hard then do it hard. The price of success is much lower than the price of doing nothing at all. Always place something in front of yourself to strive for. Fill your mind with dreams, big dreams. When you stop dreaming, you start to grow old. And while you are at it, if you see someone else trying to achieve their goal, give them a word of encouragement. Be an inspiration to others and they in turn will be an inspiration for you.

Happy New Year!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”
~ Jennifer Yane

“To be alive is to have stress” says Hans Selye; one of the world’s foremost authorities on stress.  The only way you can avoid stress is to be dead.  Being alive brings about stress in a variety of contexts.  The secret is to manage your stress.  The right amount of stress can push you to perform at your best.
Here are some simple changes and powerful mindsets that will lead you to a greater peace of mind:
1.    Read all you can on the subject.  Knowledge can be powerful.  The more you know about a subject, the better odds you will have at mastering it.  This is true for any field of endeavor.  Go to the book store or to your local library.  Books on overcoming the negative effects of stress are easy to find.  If stress is negatively impacting your health then study up on ways to improve your overall wellness.  If you need more hours to your day, then read up on time management.  You can find titles that are unique to your own personal challenges.  Stresses in the home and at work are common subjects.  The answers to many of your challenges have already been figured out by people who have spent their lifetime researching this subject.  Don’t try to reinvent the wheel; read!
2.    Be specific when identifying your stressors.  You can make your situation so much worse by being too general with naming your stress. You will make yourself crazy if you say things like, “Everything stresses me out!”   You will never find relief from “everything”.  The more specific you are at naming your stressor, the better you will be at taming it.  For instance, let’s suppose you say it is your husband or wife that stresses you out.  Every time you see their face, you will feel bad.  It is not your spouse that stresses you out, it is something they do or do not do that causes you stress.  Perhaps he or she forgets to call you when they are running late.  Naming the stressful behavior is more specific and less damaging to the marriage.  It is not your children that stress you out; it is when they don’t clean up their room when you tell them.  You may find that you start liking people better with this strategy.
3.    Set goals that push you to grow.  You are more capable than you are currently demonstrating.  Strive to be all that you can be.  Productive people tend to be happier.  Direct your energy into positive outlets.  Set a goal that will be hard to accomplish.  Make it one that will develop you into a better person.  Pick qualities that you would like to possess, then set goals that will nurture the growth of that attribute.  If you want to be more generous with others, you could volunteer with a local agency that gives back to the community.
4.    Realize that stress is inevitable.  People who strive to play it safe tend to regret that decision.  They miss out on the beautiful gifts and adventures that life can share.  It is not the stress that kills you; it is your reaction to it.  If you live in fear you will never achieve your fullest potential.  No one gets out of life alive so decide to be active in living yours.  Don’t be so busy in your career that you forget to live.  If you talk to older adults, they will tell you that if they could do it over again, they would laugh more and worry less.
5.    Exercise. You knew I was going to tell you this one.  It has to be said.  Exercise is one of the best managers of stress.  Exercise helps to release mental, emotional and physical pressure.  Exercise will build your self confidence, which also decreases stress.  If you hate to exercise, do something, one push up.  One jumping jack.  Something is better than nothing.  Once you do one, consider another.  Day after day, keep this up.  You might surprise yourself once you get moving.  If you have injuries or physical challenges, do what you can with what you have.  “He who limps, still walks.”  Stanslaw Lee
6.    Surround yourself with positive people.  You tend to become like the environment you spend your time in.  Negative people will suck the passion and excitement out of you if you let them.  Spend time with people who inspire you and who make you glad to be alive.  Be a positive person yourself.  Make your home a happy one.  Be a blessing to your place of employment.  Speak words that are positive and encouraging.
7.    Remember to breathe.  This is my simplest advice but perhaps the most helpful.  It is basic but often overlooked.  An unknown author once said, “The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”  Fortunately, we all have time to breathe.  Taking a deep breath will clear your head, still your body, and give you a better perspective.  My clients tell me this reminder gets them through some of the toughest times of their life.
I’m not asking you to pretend you don’t have twelve plates spinning at once.  I just want you to be a master of your life.  A person who sleeps well at night and feels good about themselves and the world they live in.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Change can be hard.  Continually coming up with new excuses as to why you don’t change can be even harder.  Since making changes can be uncomfortable most of us master the path of procrastination.  This path leads to putting off the changes you really would like to make, one more month, one more year, then another, and so on.

Fortunately for us God has established universal laws that keep the world in order.  An example is the law of gravity.  You know with certainty that if you drop your car keys that they are going to fall downward.  Another example is the earth’s revolving within a twenty four hour period.  You don’t have to think about these laws, they just happen.

A law that can help even the greatest of excuse-makers is the Law of Incremental Improvement.  Another way of saying this is “constant and never ending improvement”. Robert Schuller said it in this manner, “By the yard it’s hard but by the inch it’s a cinch.”  I think it is best explained by success expert, Brian Tracy.  He put it in terms that make it easy for anyone to apply.  Every day strive to do at least a ½ % more effort.”  Tracy encourages.

I like this because the impossible begins to look possible.  Most of us think of our changes at the final stage of accomplishment.  We observe the distance from where we are now and where we want to end up and immediately start talking ourselves out of our desired change.  “That’s too big of a jump.”  “I can’t do all of that.”  We ask questions that promote doubt and discouragement.  “Do I really want to do this?”  “Am I even capable of achieving my goal?”

So, here is how to apply the ½ % more technique.  Suppose you are out of shape and you want to start an exercise program.  A ½ % effort may be getting off the couch, walking out to your garage, and touching your barbells with your big toe; then walk back into the house.  That’s about a ½ % effort.  The next day you may lift the barbell once.  Each day builds on the day before.

Perhaps you want to walk on your treadmill which has been used as a place to hang your ironing.  The first day may be simply turning it on and then off again.  The next day may be standing on it.  The third day may be walking for only one minute.  Do you see how easy this is?  Imagine where either of these examples will be in one month.  Both will be well on their way towards fitness.

Do you want to be happier?  How could you apply the ½ % more approach?  You could start with a smile but actually a ½ % may look more like a smirk to begin with.  A smile may be the second day’s effort.  Each day increase your level of effort by another ½ %.  In a relatively short period of time, you will be telling jokes, laughing and interacting with others.

This can be applied to any area of your life.  You may start with listening more to your children, spending more time with your parents or calling up old friends.

On some days I notice that I do more than the expected ½ % effort.  I may do 10 % more.  I may do 30 % more.  I may just feel more motivated on some days.  Other days I push myself with driving statements such as, “Do one more!”  “Be willing to do what other people won’t.”

You will definitely want to apply this to your marriage.  Pay attention to how you look at your spouse.  Does it convey love?  Take 2 to 3 minutes to write your spouse a love note.  Offer to go somewhere that you really don’t want to go but it will make your spouse happy.  You could turn a poor marriage into a great one in a short period of time.

I once asked my wife what she likes about this technique of applying a ½ % more and she responded, “Something is better than nothing!”  I believe this sums it up.  Doing something will create movement.  This will create momentum.  Momentum can transform your life!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.”
~ Mario Puzo

The Chinese have a proverb that says, “A family in harmony will prosper in everything.”  Does your family have joyous interactions?  How about when you factor in your in-laws?  Getting a family to have harmony can be as tough as trying to herd a bunch of cats.  Here are some of the secrets for strengthening the bonds with your in-laws, whether you are the son in-law, daughter in-law, Father in-law or Mother in-law:

1)     Learn To Let Go.  Your son or daughter is an adult now.  Let them learn to make their own decisions and choices.  Dads, you handed her over to the care of her husband at the altar.  Moms, you need to cut the apron strings.
2)    Don’t Compete With Each Other.  It is okay that your mother in-law is a better cook or that your father in-law is successful.
3)    Don’t Be A Gossip.  Do not, under any circumstance, gossip with family members or friends about your in-laws.  Gossip usually gets back to the other person and will ultimately hurt the relationship between you.
4)    Remember The Grandchildren.  Strive to have good relations for the sake of your children or your grandchildren.
5)    Treat Your In-Laws As A Part Of Your Family.  Do this from the beginning. Be warm and thoughtful. Hug them.  Tell them you love them.
6)    Don’t Be A Control Freak.  Do not demand that all of the holidays be held at your house. Don’t be difficult for the sake of your own convenience.
7)    Don’t Correct Your Grandchildren Constantly.  This somehow implies the parents are not doing a good job with the rearing of their children. This will quickly lead to a division between you.
8)    Be Very Slow To Give Advice.  Unsolicited advice may be taken as criticism which can create resentment. Try not to give advice unless it is asked for.
9)    Speak If They Answer The Telephone.  When you call your son or daughter and their spouse answers, hold a brief conversation with them. Don’t make them feel like they don’t matter.
10)    Look For The Good.  Do not focus on the flaws of your father in-law. Do not ridicule your brother in-law.  Do not criticize your spouse in front of their mother. No one is perfect. It is not your job to point this out. Strive to look at their positive qualities.
11)    Be A Good Listener. It is more important to be a good listener than it is to be a good speaker. Listening clearly shows that you care.
12)    Don’t Meddle. You do not need to know every detail about what they are doing.
13)    Accept The Fact They May Be Different Than You.  Do not try to dictate how things should be done. Most things can be accomplished in a variety of ways. The relationship is more important!
14)    Don’t Tell Mother In-Law Jokes.
15)    Don’t Get Drawn Into Arguments, Debates, or Screaming Matches. Good in-law relations require that you let the little things go.
16)    Don’t Be Afraid To Apologize.  A great in-law can admit when they are wrong and can say the words, “I’m sorry.” Be forgiving and patient for any offenses or hurt feelings. This one point can save most troubled in-law relationships.
17)    Don’t Criticize Your In-Laws In Front of Your Children.
18)    Remember The Special Days.  Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Birthdays. Go out of your way to acknowledge your in-laws and make them feel special.
19)    Don’t Confuse Your House With Theirs.  Do not show up uninvited and unannounced.  Keep your opinions to yourself on how your son in-law should better organize the garage or your daughter in-law the kitchen.
20)    Coordinate The Gift Giving.  Don’t compete for the best gift.
21)    Always Be Polite And Respectful.  Even if you don’t think they deserve it.

I realize that some of you have wonderful in-laws and others not so wonderful.  Challenges with your in-laws can take a lot out of you. If you need help; seek guidance. If you have questions, seek answers. The toll of bad in-law relations is too great and could cost you more than you could ever imagine.
George Bernard Shaw said, “A happy family is but an earlier heaven.”  My wish is that each of you experiences this blessing.


Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Learning To Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of Her Mouth

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
~ Oscar Wilde

“I do so much for you, yet you are always ignoring me. All you care about is yourself and your fishing boat.”
Before Elizabeth could continue, Jamie reminded her, “I work hard.  I have a right to relax on my days off.”
Elizabeth jumps back in with, “Meanwhile I do everything around here!  This family would fall apart if it were left to you to take care of.”
Jamie mutters under his breath, “It’s always something.”
“I heard that!” Elizabeth exclaims. “You never listen to me. You’re not the man I married. I want more romance in my life.”
“Why do you have to do this right at bed time?” screams Jamie. He marches back to their bedroom thinking, “She doesn’t appreciate anything I do for her.”
Elizabeth sits at the kitchen table crying tears of frustration.

When it comes to communication, men typically understand the basic lingo when a woman says, “Fine”; it doesn’t necessarily mean things are fine. This generally means that it would be a good idea to go ahead and shut up.
And when a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself”, this usually means all hell is about to break loose because she has already asked him to do the same thing several times before.
As men, we tend to understand these statements, but when women start talking on an emotional level, we men can really get confused.  Here are some points to help you understand what your woman is actually saying and will make her feel supported at the same time:

1)     You can do everything right and still hear complaints from a woman.  This may be more of a reflection of what’s going on with her in other areas of her life.
*   She may be overwhelmed with taking care of the children.
*   She may be exhausted from a hard day at work.
*   She may be worried about her parents who are ill.
*   She may be feeling insecure about herself.

2)     Don’t be so conditional in your love for her. As long as she is sweet, you are there for her, but if she isn’t, you are ready to walk away. How would you like it if she did this to you?
3)    Notice the absolute terms she uses. These can serve as red flags to prepare you to listen up. When you hear words like always, never, everything, nobody, and anything; these words indicate that you need to focus more on listening and trying to understand. Her message will sound like a personal attack on you but it typically isn’t.
4)     Here are some translations of common misunderstood statements:
“Nothing is going right”  Men hear this as their woman calling him a loser and I can’t trust you but this is a reflection of her own frustrations and her need to know that you appreciate her.
“All you care about is yourself”  Men hear this as their woman saying he is self centered but, what she really means is that she needs your reassurance that you love her and in fact you want her.
“You never take me anywhere” Men hear this as their woman saying she doesn’t appreciate a thing he does but she is really just needing to feel special.
“I do everything” Men hear this as their woman telling him he is completely lazy but she is seeking some form of permission to relax without him thinking bad of her if she does.
“You are never prepared” Men hear this as their woman saying he is an idiot who can’t be counted on but she wants to know if she slows down or relaxes for a while that he will be on top of things should it be necessary.
“I want more romance in my life” Men hear this as their woman wants someone else; that she has grown tired of him but what she is really saying is that she is tired and wants to take some time for them as a couple to do something romantic. A simple date or getaway will work or perhaps some flowers or a card.
“You never listen to me” Men hear this as their woman thinks he is selfish and uncaring but she is meaning that she needs for you to show her some extra attention and interest.

5)    When you hear statements like these, this is when she needs you the most. These are almost like a call for help. Women tend to hate to ask for what they want or need so these statements often hold a veiled request for your strength and comfort.
6)    RED FLAG! Here are some thoughts you may have just before you do something stupid:
“Why does she have to do this right now?”
“Am I going to have to hear about this the rest of my life?”
“It’s always something.”
“Oh no; here we go again.”
It is common to think these things but you will make things        worse if you say them out loud.

7)     If you think the sort of thoughts mentioned above, you should stop and remember that she is probably saying indirectly, “Please listen to me.  I need you.  I’m tired and I need your support.” Even if she isn’t saying these words, this mindset will help you maintain a stronger and more supportive message to the woman you love.
8)    If you don’t know what to say in response to what she said, just listen. Perhaps hold her. But whatever you do, don’t get defensive.
9)    Don’t try and fix her upset feelings. Men tend to become rather extreme when their woman is expressing her feelings, especially if she is frustrated or anxious. A man will do just about anything to get her to shut up or calm down but she will still be upset because she wasn’t looking for him to fix anything. I once knew a guy who didn’t golf for two years because of something his wife said while upset. He thought she wanted one thing and was trying to settle her down when in fact she stated she didn’t mind him golfing.
10)    Don’t take things personally even though it will all sound personal.
11)    Repeat this over and over in your head, “She is never upset for the reason I think.
12)    Most importantly, be PATIENT with her. Upset feelings and communication skills can easily get tangled up.  Remember this truth and that she is the woman that you love.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Do You Have Trouble Keeping Your Mouth Shut When You Are Angry?

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”  If you answered yes to the title question I am sure you have realized the truth in this quote by Ambrose Bierce.  In order to gain control over your tongue you must be determined to see things differently.  People who lose their temper tend to view life in a negative and judgmental way.  You have the ability to direct your mind away from angry and upset feelings.  You need to realize that you can have peace of mind instead of conflict.
This article will cover a variety of mindsets and behaviors that will teach you how to keep your mouth shut when you are angry.

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth.  Use them in this proportion.  It’s better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker.  Listen carefully to what the other person has to say.  Take your time before giving them an answer.
2. Don’t be double minded.  You can’t have peace of mind and conflict at the same time.  Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want.  (Example: “I want to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.”).
3. You can’t be right and be married.  You have to decide “Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?”  Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you.  Instead, strive to do the right thing.
4. Don’t jump to conclusions.  Slow down and think through the situation.
5. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head.  I often hear people say, “I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I have.”  You can and you must.
6. As I was writing this, my daughter reminded me of Thumper’s quote in the movie, “Bambi”.  “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say nothing at all.”  This is always good advice.
7. Don’t overreact to criticism.  Beneath the criticism is an underlying message.  Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings.  I compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap.  What happens when the mouse takes the cheese?  He gets his tail caught in the trap.  That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism.  Don’t take the bait.  Listen for the underlying message.
8. Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, “I hate this!”  “This is driving me crazy!” “I can’t stand this!”  These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire.  You are making it much more intense.  Replace these with positive declarations such as “I can handle this.” “This is not that big of a deal.”  “I have unshakeable peace of mind.”  “Nothing bothers me.”  Your thoughts will direct your emotions.  Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace.
9. If someone uses absolute terms like “always”, “never”, “everybody”, and “nobody”; don’t take them literally.  These are emotional terms.  If your wife says “You never take me anywhere.”  and you know that’s not true; don’t take it as a personal attack.  Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to spend some time with you.
10. Don’t overreact and don’t give advice too quickly.  This only trains people not to be open with you.
11. Don’t try to get in the last word.  It’s not worth the damage you could do by trying to win or be heard.
12. If you are angry repeat this scripture based verse in your head, “In all things be self controlled.”  Say it over and over so that you don’t get derailed into an argument.
13. There is life and death in the spoken word.  Make sure your words build people up versus tearing them down.
14. Remember to breathe.  Stick with the basics.  When you are upset, take a few deep breaths.
15. Strive to use an approach that promotes honor and respect.  This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.
16. Realize that your anger most likely is not going to help solve the problem and may actually make the matter worse.
17. Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter.  This leads to conflict resolution.  Trying to be right or show your might will lead to conflict.
18. Staying connected is more important than making your point.

The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you.  You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future.  All it takes is a decision.  Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret.  Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.  Develop the power of a tamed tongue.

Best of Wishes,

Mark Webb

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“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up
every time we do.”     ~ Confucius

Angela’s husband, Matt, told her over the phone that he wanted a divorce.  She knew they had problems but this came out of the blue.  She was devastated to say the least.  All of her tears and pleas were ignored.  It was as if Matt had amnesia.  He no longer seemed to care anything for her and showed little interest in their two sons.
Angela’s friends and family quickly mobilized around her with tons of advice, all of which was negative and vengeful.
She refused to have any part of it.  Even though she was angry, hurt, and scared; she chose to take higher ground.
She said, “Most people get mean and hateful in times like these.  I want to face this in such a way that people see me conducting myself in the most positive manner.  I want to be the exception!”
The turning point in a person’s life can usually be marked by some type of loss or failure.  Everyone who is successful has faced some form of adversity and defeat.  Here are the strategies that will ensure that you overcome the hard times of life and transform them into personal victories:

1)     Defeat Reveals Your Faults.  Initially Angela mentally beat herself up.  All she could see was how awful she was.  “I’m too anxious.”  “I obsess too much.”  But as time when on she did realize that perhaps she complained too much and maybe she could have been easier to get along with.  She identified that she had lacked ambition and hadn’t tried as hard as a wife as she could have.  She tended to be overcautious and worrisome which often killed moments of potential intimacy.  She could have better controlled her tongue and her temper.

Notice she hadn’t committed any potential deal-breakers in the marriage such as have an affair or abuse the children.  And also notice that she didn’t focus on developing a list of Matt’s shortcomings.  She focused on learning what she could have done better.

“Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely.”   ~ Unknown

2)     Don’t Let The Tragedy Define Who You Are.  Angela chose to be seen by herself, her sons, her community and Matt as Being The Exception.  Even though she was sad and depressed, broken and defeated, she sought to figure out how to become better.
Nobody would have thought badly of her if she fell apart.  She would have been surrounded by compassion.  She realized she faced divorce either way.  She decided to push herself to find out what she is truly made of.

3)     Don’t Sit Around Feeling Sorry For Yourself.  The first three weeks were a blur.  She didn’t sleep much.  Angela lost twelve pounds.  Her eyes were practically swollen shut from non-stop crying.  She realized she couldn’t stay in this state of hopelessness.  A pity party wouldn’t benefit her or her children.  She started getting herself together.  Her grief continued but she processed it in increments.
4)    If You Won’t Do It For Yourself, Do It For Others.  Angela faced times when she wanted to quit; she didn’t want to get out of bed.  But she knew her children were counting on her.  She had also set a bar for herself, “I want to be the exception!”  She wanted to be an example to others.
5)    Ask For Help.  Angela mobilized the support of her parents and even though they are divorced they dropped their differences for the sake of their daughter and grandsons.
She entered into weekly therapy sessions for an opportunity to express and process her thoughts and feelings.
She also started going to church.  She wasn’t from this community and had never ventured beyond her home.  Her world had been very small but she realized if she didn’t tap into the available support, she might not make it on her own.

“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.”    ~ Unknown

6)     Seek Sources of Inspiration.  Quotes from famous men and women who have overcome adversity can be very encouraging.  Movies and songs can also encourage.  Avoid the songs and movies that only stir up pain. Seek songs with lyrics that promote strength and hope.
Angela found the preacher’s sermons and the scriptures of the Bible very helpful.  These strengthened her resolve to be the exception!

7)     Reframe The Situation – Look For The Positive.  It felt like her world was falling apart.  She doubted if she could make it on her own.  Angela realized she needed to change her perspective.  She changed her thoughts to ones that reflected something good would come from this situation.  She would regularly tell me, “All things work together for the good to those who love the lord, and to those who are called according to His purpose.”  She sometimes said this with tears streaming down her cheeks as she gazed upward.  Even though she was around 5’1 in height; her spirit was much taller.

“Obstacles will look large or small to you according to whether you are large or small.”
~ Orison Swett Marden

8)     Be Willing To Try Again.  Resolve to start again.  Angela started exploring her options.  A move closer to her parents, going back to college, job opportunities.  She focused her mind in the direction of where she might find success and happiness.
9)    Things Will Get Better, They Always Do.  Hold onto these words of hope.  The sun will shine again.  Your resolve to learn from your adversity and defeat is essential so you don’t repeat your history.  When you review your life history you see that you have actually survived and perhaps even thrived over every tough time.  Since you know that you will get through this; go ahead and strive to be the exception now.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“Why should I deem myself to be a chisel, when I could be the artist?”
~J.C.F. von Schiller

Do you realize that you can drastically change your life over the next two years?  I’m talking about any area of your life.  This could be your educational level, your financial status, the fulfillment in your home and marriage.  Your success begins with the development of a target.  What is your aim?

Can you imagine playing the game of basketball without any hoops?  It would look more like a game of keep-away.  The whole object of the game is to get the ball in the hoop.  What you accomplish in life is much the same way.  What are you aiming for in your life?  If you don’t have a hoop in mind for yourself, your life will never be all that it could be.

Most people never truly define their goals.  If you study successful people, you’ll find that all had a clearly defined target and they focused their energy on that end.  Here are nine principles that will accelerate the achievement of your dreams:
1)     Start by answering the question, “What do I want out of my life?”  The response can be general or specific but the more specific the better.  The answers will serve as your targets.
______________________
“If you don’t know where you are going, how can you expect to get there?”
~ Basil S. Walsh
_______________________

2)    The past doesn’t predict the future.  Just because you have tried and failed in the past doesn’t mean you will fail next time.  Perseverance is essential when building the life of your dreams.  Bad experiences can teach you how to correct the situation so you will have a positive outcome in the future.  Do not limit yourself by focusing on the setbacks of your past.  Most successful people have many stories of trials and errors.  Rarely is anyone an overnight success.
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“There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above and overcome.”
~Ella Wheeler-Wilcox
_________________________

3)     Set goals that mean something to you.  Don’t create targets that are really someone else’s dreams.  If you live your life trying to fulfill someone else’s wishes for you, you could be setting yourself up for tragic results.
If you are meant to be a chef, then you belong in the kitchen.  If you are meant to be a pastor, then you need to be in the ministry.  Far too many people choose targets for the wrong reasons.  Ask yourself, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?”  I encourage you to set goals that are important to you.  This will automatically help you love the gift of life that has been given to you.

___________________________

“Whatever you are meant to do, move toward it and it will come to you.”
~Gloria Dunn

____________________________

4)     Don’t set your sights on so many targets that not one will be reached.  The Chinese have a proverb that says “Never try to catch two frogs with one hand.”  You can have more than one goal but be careful you don’t dilute your focus.  I have a friend who has a hard time getting his work done because he is always getting distracted by “something shiny”.  The more concentrated you are in your efforts, the faster you will achieve your goal.
___________________________

“He who wants to do everything will never do anything.”
~Andre’ Maurois
___________________________
5)     Write your goals on a piece of paper.  Goal setting experts agree that this single element will make all the difference in the world.  When you write your goals, you begin a process of transforming the abstract into something tangible.  If you simply wrote your goals once and then hid the list away for one year, at the end of that year when you revisited the list you would be amazed at what you have accomplished.
Write your goals in the first person and in the present tense.
For example:
I have a Wonderful, Christ-centered marriage with (insert spouse’s name).
I am in excellent shape and have boundless energy.
I earn “X” amount of dollars per year.
I can easily bench-press ____ pounds.
I have unshakable peace of mind.

You want to write these goals as if they have already been attained.

6)     Give yourself a daily reminder.  If you really want to accelerate your progress then keep your list of goals in front of you.  I suggest that once you create your list of goals you should rewrite the list every day for at least 30 days.  This practice of writing and re-writing pulls more of your facilities into the process which reinforces the importance and the focus.  After you complete the thirty day goal, then you can switch to Step 7.

7)      Say your goals out loud.  This one can be awkward and possibly disruptive so you may have to be creative when and where you do this step.  To significantly speed up your success, say your goals out loud.  The spoken word is more powerful than a thought.  Remember, God spoke the world into existence.  Every morning recite your goals out loud.  This reminder will serve you throughout your day and reinforces you will act in accordance with your desired outcome.

8)     Walk boldly through your obstacles.  Hannah More said, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”  So keep your eyes on the target.

9)     Always Aim Higher.  You want to choose targets that will push you to be all that you can be.  You become what you think about, so think BIG.

____________________________

“The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
______________________________
I talk to too many people who have lived lives of regret.  Do not let that happen to you.  Set targets that will help you live your life to the fullest.  I want you to laugh more, love deeper, and enjoy life while you can.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say, “thank you.”?”
~ William A. Ward

When is the last time you said a word of appreciation to your husband or boyfriend?  It is hard to tell which comes first, his lack of appreciation for you or yours toward him.  Rather than debate this, I suggest that you pump new life into your relationship by giving your man the gift of appreciation.  I have chosen to make this article one-sided because I occasionally catch grief from other men who complain that I am always asking them to make the sacrifices in order to make their woman feel special.  I still believe this and I believe appreciation should be a two-way street. I also believe that a man will do a lot more for the woman he loves if he is appreciated.
You see, when a woman is not happy, the man feels like a failure.  When she is happy, he feels that he is successful.  Men may give up in their efforts to make her happy if he doesn’t see results.  A woman’s show of appreciation is his scorecard.  So, ladies this is ultimately in your best interest to give your man one of his deepest longings, appreciation.
Dennis is frustrated that the vision for his marriage is out of sync with his wife, Nancy.  She throws him “under the bus” every time they are around their family and friends.  Everybody knows something is wrong.  Dennis seems very unhappy.  He is frequently ill and has nothing to look forward to.  Nancy’s belittling of him has led to him feeling inadequate as a man.  He pouts like a child and acts in a passive-aggressive manner.  For instance, he seems to always “forget” her birthday, Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.  This is how he has learned to retaliate for her lack of appreciation.  He dreads going home each day.   Their marriage is in real trouble.  Don’t let this happen to your relationship.
Here are some ways to let your man know how much you appreciate him:
1)      Greet him with enthusiasm.  Light your face and his with a smile.  Be glad to see him.
2)      Build him up in front of others.  Refuse to say anything negative about him to anyone else.  Look for opportunities to sing his praises to his friends and relatives as well as yours.
3)      Tell him the things you admire and appreciate about him.  Men love to hear how great they are.  This also serves as positive reinforcement which in turn will promote an even better man.  Point out how hardworking he is.  Thank him for being thoughtful and patient, and a good listener.  You will be surprised at how much better he will become.
4)      Be playful.  Draw out his fun side.  Once couples get established in the relationship, they tend to forget how playful and goofy they can be.  Being playful will keep you young.
5)      Ease up on the guilt trips.  Women typically hate to ask for the things they want or need.  Instead, they complain about what the man doesn’t do.  Men interpret this as, “No matter what I do, it is never good enough.”  Don’t make him feel obligated through guilt provoking statements.  Learn to make direct requests such as, “Will you take out the trash?” instead of, “You never take out the trash!”
6)      Make a big to-do when he achieves something.  Fix him his favorite meal or a special dessert.  Put the children to bed early and break out the candles.  Use your imagination.  The bigger the better.
7)      Tell him how much you love him.  Not with a card.  Most men are not into receiving cards.  Tell him face to face.  A sincere statement can penetrate the toughest of hearts.
8)      Thank him for providing for you and your children.  I know he is supposed to do this, but a wise woman will never take this for granted.  Men equate long hours of hard work to a show of love.  Receive this with a thank you.
9)      Thank him for supporting your career pursuits.  Behind every great man is a supportive woman.  The reverse is also true.
10)   If you want to see a huge difference in your man, listen to him.  Listen to his goals, his dreams and his frustrations.  Give him a chance to talk without correcting him or getting defensive.  Let him vent without taking it personally.  A man will give his right arm for this one.

“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”  ~ Nigerian Proverb

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”    ~ William A. Ward

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
~ Henry David Thoreau

Do you feel helpless in the process of making your dreams a reality? Do you get confused with choosing the best route for your success? Would you rather just give up altogether on the whole dream-chasing process?

It can be so frustrating when you want to make your life better but you don’t really know how to get started. I want to share a few of the strategies that will give you the mindsets and the habits for your success. Achieving our dreams is a lot easier with these principles.

1. Figure Out What You Don’t Want. Don’t begin with the overwhelming process of mapping out your dream. This can really bog you down. Identify the things you don’t want in your life anymore. What would you like to see different? What are the things you are tired of? What is making you unhappy? This list can be quite long and may include things like:

“I don’t have time for my family.” “I’m fat and out of shape.” “I never have time for me anymore.” “I can’t remember the last time I took a vacation.” “I always have more bills at the end of the month than I do money.” “I am tired of having a boss that doesn’t appreciate me.”

Let your mind think of as many complaints as possible because this will motivate you and help you to figure out the next step.

2. What Do You Want? Look at your above list and come up with a clearly defined statement or statements of what you truly want. Define who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. Clarity will give you strength and will help you build a sense of momentum. Most people are wishy-washy and this double-minded thinking only creates an avoidance of ever getting started in the first place. Write down what you want with power and conviction.

“I am a great spouse and parent.” “I am in excellent shape.” “I am my own boss and I have an extremely successful business.”

Once you write down what you want, things start to change. I cannot fully explain this but a force of nature takes off and your dreams start to become a reality.

3. You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Get Started.

Thomas Fuller said, “A good garden may have some weeds.” You have to start somewhere. If you wait until you’re perfect, you will never begin. Everything is a process. You tap the piano keys for the first time. Next, you’re playing chopsticks. After a while of persevering practice, you are playing for friends at a sing-a-long. Be patient with yourself, but get started…Today!

4. Spend More Time On Your Dream. “Every man is the architect of his own fortune.” ~ Roman censor Appius Claudius Caecus

If you want more, you need to be willing to do more. Most people are not willing to do more. They will complain and talk negatively about how life has treated them unfairly. If you want more, you have to do the things that most people will not do. This may include waking up earlier or going to bed later or this may mean less television and more reading. Your willingness to make a sacrifice for your self-improvement will catapult you to a higher level of fulfillment. What I like about the personal sacrifice is what I become through the process of self mastery and discipline.

“Nature gave men two ends – One to sit on, and one to think with. Ever since then, man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he has used the most.”
~ Robert Albert Bloch

5. Stop Worrying About Everybody Else.

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is – try to please everybody.”
~ Herbert Bayard Swope

I guarantee you that somebody is not going to like your dream, even if it is a wonderful goal that will improve the lives of mankind. Someone will have something negative to say about your dream. Often it may be our own family. The people who love us the most can be the hardest to get support from. It may be that they are just watching out for us, but if you are not careful, they will steal your dream. Before long, you will be right back where you started, unhappy and tired.

6. Make A Total Commitment. Commitment is the difference between success and failure. Your success lies not in the stars or with good luck but with your commitment. How bad do you want your dreams? You must have a will to succeed.

Andrew Carnegie said, “The wise man puts all his eggs in one basket and watches the basket.”

You will accelerate your progress once you gain the power of a concentrated focus.

7. Expect To Succeed.

“Someone’s always saying, it’s not whether you win or lose, but if you feel that way, you’re as good as dead.”
~ James Caan

Get excited about your dreams. Think about the outcome. See the achievement as if it has already occurred. Go ahead and feel the smile that comes from knowing you did it! Emerson tells us that “Nothing was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

You are the designer of your future. You have two choices; either a negative path or a positive path. Neither path is harder than the other, but one brings consequences while the other gives benefits.

So, make a decision right now to make your dreams come true!

Best of Wishes,
Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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The world has a lot of negative people in it. Are you one of them? Do you expect the worst from situations? Do you criticize more often than praise? It does not have to be this way. A positive attitude can be as simple as changing the way you look at things.

The solution is simple but changing old belief patterns is not always easy to do. Most of us have been stuck in old belief patterns for quite some time. The problem with negative patterns is that they do not get us what we want out of life.

For example, we often believe the events of our past can pretty much predict our futures. With this being the case, we spend a lot of time worrying about our past and our future. By doing this we miss the opportunity to enjoy today.

So how do we learn to live in the here and now? What we often forget, is that we have a choice. We can choose to experience happiness instead of getting caught up in the chaos of negative thinking. Making the goal of peace of mind and happiness your single most important goal. When you catch yourself falling back into old negative ways, switch your focus back to your goal.

Other factors are also involved. For instance, we spent a lot of time trying to control others; their thoughts, their feelings, and their actions. We can only change how we see the world, other people and ourselves. Once again it boils down to what we choose to do.

We can also learn to see the goodness in ourselves, our relationships and in our work place. Happiness will come easier this way as opposed to finding fault in our world.

A part of having a positive lifestyle is sharing it with others. So you remember how good it feels to do something for someone else without being asked to do it. This is what is called an unconditional gift of love. Look for opportunities to do good deeds for others or give them praise for their abilities. Goodwill can be contagious.

Another factor needed for true happiness is forgiveness. Forgiveness is more than just telling someone, “I forgive you”, it comes from sincere intentions. This will free us from our negative feelings such as guilt, sadness, fear, anger and resentment.

Knowing these principles is one thing, living them is another. It takes time to change old ways of thinking but it is worth the time and effort. If we are willing to work at being consistent in what we think say and do, true happiness will be ours.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Do you ever get the feeling that something in your life is missing?  That you’re not reaching your fullest potential?  Are you plagued by unresolved issues from your past?  One of the biggest mistakes we make in life is closing ourselves up emotionally.  We attempt to deny that the emotional pain is inside.  We run from it as hard as we can.  However, as much as we try to hide from these feelings, they still follow us everywhere we go.  Hence, the term “emotional baggage.”

Were you taught to be strong, to always keep going regardless of the pain?  Do you listen to the well-intended advice to “get over it”?  Pushing your feelings to the side or covering them up is a good short-term solution, or so it falsely appears.  The problem arises when we continue to push these feelings down day after day, week after week and year after year.  Whenever you avoid dealing with your emotions, they eventually will pile up to a point that the feelings will overwhelm you.  Holding onto resentments, grief, guilt, shame and will set you up to have problems with depression, anxiety and physical symptoms such as headaches, high blood pressure, and stomach problems.

No one is immune to their feelings.  By avoiding our feelings, we begin to distort how we see ourselves; how we view relationships and how we see the world we live in.  It’s OK to be strong, but the complete statement needs to be “I can be strong and still have my needs and my feelings.”

It is not a sign of weakness to acknowledge your feelings.  There are both appropriate and inappropriate ways to share your feelings.  When you are having tough times in life, there are often people around you who can provide the comfort and support you need.  You must learn to seek them out.  Do not set yourself up as an island fortress.  Seek out friends, family members, church leaders, and your human resource department at work or local therapists through either the public or private practices.

You have a responsibility to yourself and those you care about to take care of yourself.  This includes your emotional well being.  You are bigger than your feelings regardless as to how intense they may seem.  Your secrets make you sick.  Seek freedom from your pain.  Allow yourself to process your feelings.  You’ll be glad you did.  The truth will set you free.   Remember, we are all in this together.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Many people are afraid to say and do what is best for themselves out of a fear of rejection and abandonment.

If you are sacrificing who you are to hold your relationship together or to keep others from disapproving of you, then you are leading a lonely life.  If these people truly care about you, they will want you to achieve success in your life.

I have seen so many individuals give up hobbies, career goals and other areas of interest to gain the approval of their partner and/or their parents.  These individuals create a limitation for themselves.  Because they are not pursuing what is important to them, they end up feeling very empty inside.  This emptiness is a form of loneliness and it leads to a slow death of the human spirit.

When you lead your life according to your God-given potential, you begin to experience a freedom like you would never believe.  Your step becomes swifter, you breathe a little deeper and you stand taller.  You will feel a sense of personal power.  Thoughts will become more solution-oriented in your view toward the challenges of life.

15 Strategies To Help Unleash Your Full Potential

1.  Decide to be the best that you can be.

2.  Learn to see your positive qualities.  Make a list of 20 positive traits that you have.

3.  Stop putting yourself down in front of other people.

4.  Limit the amount of time you spend with negative people.

5.  Give and receive compliments.

6.  Be enthusiastic.

7.  Develop your sense of humor.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.

8.  Be kind to everyone you interact with.

9.  Don’t be easily offended.

10. Attend church and pay attention while there.

11.  Seek outstanding role models.  They can teach you how to     speed up the learning process.

12. Dare to be unpopular.

13. Remind yourself daily that you are striving to be your best.

14. Wake up happy.  Get your day off to a positive   start.

15. Give yourself positive messages such as “I can” and “I will”.

Loneliness can feel crippling at times.  The hopelessness and helplessness of loneliness will dissipate once you seek the truth that is within you.  So ask yourself, what is truly important to me?  What am I getting out of my present lifestyle?  What would I have to give up if I really moved toward my dreams?  What would I gain if I did so?  Remember, you were brought into this world with a purpose.  If you question your purpose, then do yourself a favor by spending some time reviewing these questions.  You can be loved and accepted for who you are.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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I recently read that only three percent of our population has written any specific goals. The survey went on to state that seventy-five percent have no goals and the rest have general and unwritten goals. This means that there are a lot of us who spend our days reacting to the situations in which life presents to us. By living life in this fashion there becomes a tendency for dreams to remain dreams, instead of becoming a reality. Taking the time to plan and set goals will lead us to higher levels of success and happiness.

What do you want out of life? Have you ever taken the time to give this some specific answers? The question itself can be quite hard to answer. Allow yourself time to answer this question and write specific goals. “I want to make more money” is a vague goal. Write a set amount within a time limit for a specific goal.

After a specific goal is made, set a deadline to it. How much time do you need to achieve this goal? Is this a short term goal or a long term goal? We can have a series of deadlines leading to a specific outcome.

At this point, observe the plans and goals and note areas of possible obstacles. Can these barriers be avoided or minimized? We want to be aware of these obstacles but we do not want to over-focus our attention on them. All of our energy needs to be toward the achievement of our goal.

Our mental outlook is an essential part in goal achievement. We need to train ourselves to see positive outcomes. Visualize personal success in terms of the chosen goals. Write and verbalize the goals as if they have already occurred. It is a good practice to start the day with these positive messages. Our day needs to be filled with these messages and even end it with them. This trains our mind to look for opportunities to meet our goals.

Once a plan of action is decided, we need to act on it. The sooner the better. Develop a burning desire to achieve the goal. Share with others the desired goal and ask them for their support. They may not share in your enthusiasm but then again they might. They might even know of ways to help make the goals more available. If we cannot get their commitment of support, we are at least reinforcing to ourselves our own goals.

Goals can come from any area. They can involve our personal life, family life, social life, work environment, financial status, or spiritual aspects. The list of possibilities is endless. Just remember, if your mind can dream it, you can achieve it.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Many of us struggle with the problem of our own shyness.  This problem often keeps us from being a part of our world.  We want to make a visible difference but we do not do it.  In addition to shyness, we struggle with fears of rejection, low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness and being overly self conscious.  All of these factors keep us from showing up in our world.

We tell ourselves that if we could just change our weak points then we could make a difference.  If only we had more money, a college degree, better looks, more experience, etc..then we could let the world know about us.  Maybe there are only a couple of areas which could use some changing.  Regardless, we tell ourselves these things and then we justify reasons why we cannot or do not have them.

If we continue to hide, then we are sure to lose out on all the good things life as to offer.  When we do not take the risk to become more involved we are denying ourselves the opportunity to grow.  This leaves us feeling afraid, immature, and mistrusting.  The longer we continue this pattern of avoidance the smaller our world becomes because we will eventually become comfortable with fewer and fewer situations.

So whether we are aware of it or not, we come across opportunities to grow on a daily basis.  In order to make an impact we have to get started with what we have.  Stop waiting for this, this and this to happen before we begin.  Maybe we are already visible to some degree.  If this is the case then we have to challenge ourselves to become even more visible.  Only the individual knows the secret to what keeps them from letting others know them.  What is it that is keeping you from letting others know you?

By making a visible statement we are telling others that we feel good about who we are and we’re not afraid to let them know us.  This challenge will require courage.  Courage comes from when we are afraid to do something but we do it anyway because we know it is for our own good.  This new way of presenting ourselves will get easier with time.  People will know us as individuals with integrity and they will respect us for it.

Just remember, we grow as individuals when we take risks to become our best selves.  Feelings of great happiness will come from our efforts because we will know that we are taking control of our personal power.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Has your relationship fallen into a routine in which the passion has fizzled or perhaps even been extinguished?  How would you like to rekindle the spark that used to burn so passionately?  You may have a solid marriage that has weathered the storms of life, but this can still lead to complacency.  With some effort, you can ignite passion in your relationship all year long.

So many couples wait for factors to line up perfectly as in a solar eclipse before they experience the renewal of passion between them.  You can make passion as predictable as a sunrise but you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone.  You have to stretch your thinking into new areas you didn’t even know existed before.  Are you willing to change how you do things?

1. Two critical things will determine the future of your relationship.  If you’re not careful these two things will negatively influence the quality of your relationship.
2. The Information You Take In.  Positive information will attract positive circumstances.  Fill your mind up with stories of happy loving couples who enjoy being together instead of stories of hateful divorces.  Study books and attend seminars that focus on the enrichment of relationships. Everyone can learn more when it comes to relationships.  Commit yourself to learn all you can, so that you can become a great partner.
3. The People You Associate With.  Individuals or couples can either drag you down or inspire you to new heights.  Create distance between you and the negative ones.  If you can’t create distance because they are family or coworkers, at least limit the length of your interactions. I used to say to tell my clients:  “Don’t associate with any negative people!  Period!”  I have done a lot of research on this subject and I have found out you can actually associate with about four or five negative people.  For some of us, that’s just enough room to fit our families in.

Renew your resolve to make your relationship passionate.  Make a conscious decision and then take
Meaningful steps towards this goal.  Remind yourself of this goal each and every day.

1. Here are some strategies to help propel your passion for each other to new heights. Arrange for a babysitter.  Most men consider this to be the woman’s responsibilty but all women love it when the man takes the initiative.  This strategy alone will blow her doors off.  Ask family or friends to watch your children and then return the favor.
2. Run away from home.  Daily routines can douse the flames of passion.  Get away for a night or two.  Develop a friendship with a travel agent and ask them to remind you from time to time of your resolve to make your relationship a passionate one.

If money is an issue then you might want to consider friends or family members who have a vacation home or perhaps you could trade homes with someone for a weekend.

1. Tell your partner why you love him or her, not just that you do.  This could be by writing a love letter or by whispering in their ear while sitting in the movie theatre.  ( By the way guys, women crave love letters from the man she loves.)
2. Plan time to be together.  Don’t just wait for it to happen.  Passion is increased by anticipation.
3. Schedule  a date and let the two of you revel in the possibilities.  This builds up the excitement.
4. Dress up for each other.  This used to be a top priority but once we seal the deal, we tend to neglect the extra shower and the splash of cologne/ perfume.  Make the effort to present your best self.  I also encourage you to workout in order to stay in shape.  Do your best to maintain your health and your youth.

Is your relationship growing in passion?  Don’t lose the fun and excitement that should and could be yours. Start today with a conscious effort to set your passion on fire.

Warmest Regards,
Mark Webb

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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With the divorce rate as high as it is, you must do everything possible to strengthen and protect your marriage.  You can’t always have your way or give in to your feelings.  You have to discipline yourself to do the right thing.  You must do what is in the best interest of your marriage.  Here are some fundamental guidelines that can make a huge difference.

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
2. Don’t always try to be right.  You cannot be right and be married.
3. Never threaten to leave or divorce.
4. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry”.
5. Don’t expect your spouse to believe all the same principles you do.  Respect their differences and them.  Love them unconditionally.
6. Build your spouse up.  Freely give encouragement and praise.  Remember… it is better to give than to receive.
7. Always side with your spouse in disputes outside of the marriage, even when they are wrong.  Respect the bond of your marriage.
8. Learn to appreciate the things your spouse does and verbalize these often.
9. Try to never go to bed angry with your spouse.
10. Start and end each day by telling your spouse that you love them.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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A woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream.  The next day she met another traveler who was hungry and the woman opened her bag to share her food.  The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him.  She did so without hesitation.  The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune.  He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.  But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the woman.

“I’ve been thinking” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I will give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious.  Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.”

Giving is one of the greatest character building exercises on the planet.  When you give of yourself without expectations of return you expand in your ability to love.  A sense of abundance develops.  A win-win situation is created because everybody gains.  This type of thinking goes against what most people believe.  Most people believe that if you give, then you have less.  Instead of a sense of abundance and prosperity, they experience a sense of scarcity.  People who think in these terms tend to struggle with fear, frustration, depression, illness, and anger.

Recall the last time you did something for someone else.  Do you remember that feeling of happiness you experienced?  When you give, you always receive as well.

If you are feeling unhappy and empty, I suggest that you seek out someone or a group in need.  And then look for ways to fill their needs.  By giving, you receive feelings of love and happiness which will replace your sense of emptiness.

The quality of your life can be measured by what you give.

—Givers are happier people—

Anne Frank said, “No one has ever become poor by giving.”  John D. Rockefeller Jr. considered giving a “privilege” and Albert Einstein viewed giving as “every man’s obligation”.

I challenge you to develop an attitude of service.  Look to your spouse and children as a place to start and then branch out to other areas of the community.  Giving can be simple or complex.  Either way, remember it is better to give than to receive.

Here are some ideas to get you going:

• Pick up trash
• Speak kindly to a cashier
• Pay for someone else’s meal behind you at a drive thru.
• Call an old friend to say hello.
• Visit someone who is shut in or recovering from surgery.
• Volunteer to work at schools, churches, community organizations, etc…
• Visit someone in a nursing home.
• Donate books to the library.
• Teach someone to read.
• Donate clothes or household items.
• Support our troops.
• Grow your hair and donate it to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for children/people who lose their hair during cancer treatment.

The possibilities for giving are endless.  That feeling you get when you give is tremendous.  Be a cheerful giver and look for ways to lighten the load for someone else.  Have a Great Day!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Panic attacks are usually progressive in nature if they are not treated properly.  Many people who suffer from panic attacks go for months and years before getting the correct diagnosis.

The symptoms of a panic attack include but are not limited to:

• Difficulty breathing.
• Feeling as though you are not able to get enough air.
• Racing heartbeat.
• A sense of terror or dread.
• Severe anxiety level; feeling like you are on the verge of losing your mind.
• Dizziness, trembling, choking.
• Chest pain.
• Sweating, hot flashes.
• Tingling sensation.

People who have panic attacks tend to make connections between their anxiety and certain activities.  This leads them to the conclusion that if they avoid the activity then they will not have the panic attack.  Unfortunately this tends to gradually make their world shrink.  They become comfortable with fewer and fewer experiences.  They become embarrassed by their lack of control over the panic attacks and they start to avoid friends and family.  They may do the opposite and become quite needy on friends and family.  This avoidance behavior sets the stage for depression and eventual hopelessness.  But please do not ever forget that Help Is Available!

I have treated thousands of cases of anxiety/panic disorder.

If you have been having panic attacks, here are some recommendations to decrease and hopefully eliminate them:

• Immediately seek a psychiatric evaluation.  You could seek a therapist first but the therapist will most likely send you to a psychiatrist anyway.  Medication is the fastest way to control the panic attacks.  This will decrease the anxiety so that the therapist can get to the root of the problem and teach you a variety of anxiety reducing techniques.
• Find a therapist who is familiar with treating anxiety disorders.  Not all therapists are good at helping these kinds of cases.
• If your psychiatrist prescribes an anti-anxiety medication, please take them as recommended.  Short term usage is usually required.  Keep this medicine with you at all times because panic attacks can be very unpredictable.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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Thousands of people suffer from depression and don’t even know it.  Often their symptoms are only mild to moderate in severity  over time, individuals learn to adapt to an unnecessary struggle with depression.

These symptoms most likely won’t just go away and they can only get worse.  If you find yourself identifying with several of these traits then I suggest you see your physician or better yet a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

Here are the more common symptoms of depression:

• Depressed Mood
• Increased Anxiety
• Increased Irritability
• Low Energy Level
• Restlessness
• Lack of Interest in Previously Enjoyed Activities
• Sleep Disturbance
  • Initial Insomnia
  • Frequent awakenings
  • Increased need for sleep
  • Feeling tired upon awakening

• Decreased or Increased Appetite
• Feelings of Worthlessness
• Difficulty Concentrating
• Racing Thoughts
• Intrusive Thoughts
• Feelings of Hopelessness and/or Helplessness
• Active or Passive Thoughts of Hurting Yourself and/or Others
• Crying Spells

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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One of the things I love most about being The Relationship Specialist is that I get to empower relationships.  I particularly love to teach men how to be their best so that their women totally adore them.  Here are some of the essential principles for becoming a great husband.

• Listen To Her Feelings.  You might not understand or agree but listen.  Most men argue or get frustrated.  A great husband conveys unconditional support to his wife.  He makes it safe for her to share all sides of herself.
• Spend Time With Her.  Let your actions clearly show that your wife is your greatest priority.  She needs to know that she is special to you.  Most men choose sports, T.V. or hunting/fishing.  You can have these things but if your wife doesn’t know she comes first in your life then she may resent your other pursuits.
• Be Her Champion.  Your wife needs to feel your strength and security.  “I’m here for you” is the point you want to make.  Despite other messages she may give you, women hate having to be in charge all of the time.  Great husbands stand by their wives no matter what.
• Let Her Know That You Are Captivated By Her Beauty.  Great husbands let their wives know that they only have eyes for her.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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