Have you conformed to the expectations of other people?  Have you done it to the extent that you have lost touch with yourself in the process?  Have you ever considered the price you pay for this surrender of your best attribute?  I bring a message of encouragement.  Embrace Your Uniqueness!

Claim the uniqueness of yourself.

Here are the 3 keys that will help you:

1. You Must Develop A Thick Skin.

You will never break free of the conformity trap as long as you worry about what other people may say.  Somebody will always have something to say.  Some people actually enjoy stealing other people’s dreams.  These are the ones who have typically given up their right to be happy many years ago.  And you know what they say about misery loving company.  Don’t let yourself make companions with these emotional thieves.

Let the naysayers motivate you onward.  I find it empowering when people say things that reflect doubt on my ability.  It makes me stand up within myself and claim, “I’ll show them!”  Use your hardheaded side to thicken your skin.  This promotes determination and determination will see you through to your desired result.  I also discourage you from listening to your feelings of fear and doubt.  These negative emotions will stop you in your tracks if the collection of negative mindsets didn’t get you first.  It is normal to have feelings of fear and doubt but they should not be given the space to pollute your mind.  Famous artist, Georgia O’Keefe said, “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”

2. You Must Take Action.

With each action step you take, the ones to follow become easier.  Each step helps you see that it is possible to be yourself.  Each step brings you closer to the acknowledgment of others that you are liked for being yourself.

If you are a perfectionist or someone who gets lost in the planning of the details, please memorize this statement, “You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.”

Sure, you risk rejection when you step out and announce who you are to the world but there will also be those who validate you.  This is how you gain evidence that you can be loved and accepted for the real you.  The peace of mind you will experience afterwards is transforming.  You will experience a sense of freedom.

3. You Must Be Willing To Fail.

The reason most people never dare to be themselves is that they fear failure.  Being yourself is a risk.  How important is this battle to you?  You must be willing to Take A Leap Of Faith.  I believe that if you do not take the risk, you will be guaranteed failure.  In this risk, you will find freedom, growth, and personal power.

Visualize yourself in the future enjoying these new gifts that will come from you risk-taking.  Feel the increase in happiness and energy.  See yourself smiling and more productive.  Hear the words of encouragement and admiration.  Hold these images in your mind and then walk in faith.  Remember the scripture Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is the evidence of things unseen.”  This faith is what will separate you from the crowd of conformists.

The first step is to Make The Decision To Be Yourself.  This step is usually the hardest but once you make the decision it seems as if things start to fall into place.

Some people have never allowed their true self to come out or it has been a very long time and they’ve closed the door to that possibility.  Here are some questions I would like you to consider:

1. What gives you a sense of being alive?  What energizes you?
2. What holds your attention?
3. What do you make time for even when you are busy?
4. What have you done that just “feels right?”
5. What feels like you were born to do it?
6. Whose work or life do you admire?
7. Who or what inspires you?

Don’t just rush through these questions.  The answers could change your life for the better, TODAY.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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12 Easy Steps To Becoming A Happier Person

“Being miserable is a habit.  Being happy is a habit. The choice is yours.”
~ Tom Hopkins

Happiness is a choice, yet many will never choose it.  I find this odd because I have never met anyone who said they didn’t want to be happy.

Here are 12 Easy Steps To Becoming Happier Today:
1)     Decide To Be Happy.  This is the beginning point of your search for happiness.  You cannot be happy if you don’t decide to be happy.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  So it’s time to make up your mind.
“The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days.”
~Psalms
2)     Wake Up Happy.  Start your day off on a positive note.  Before you even open your eyes, remind yourself that you have a desire to be happy today.  Spring out of bed.  Increase the tempo of your movements.  Be glad to be alive.  Listen to music that gets you up and going.  Sing in the shower.  Have breakfast with someone who is positive and optimistic.
3)    Don’t Let Anything Ruin Your Day.  I haven’t had a bad day in years and it is because I have trained myself to be happy and you can too.  I may have bad moments but not an entire day of it.  If you stay mindful of being consciously happy from the onset of your day, you’ll be surprised at how things will start working out for the better.
4)    Get Involved.  Spend time with family and friends; that is, providing your family and friends are good for you.  If not, seek out people who will nourish you with hope, laughter, and encouragement.  Strive to do the same for them in return.

“We cannot hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening our own.”       ~Ben Sweetland
5)     Smile.  This automatically makes you feel happier.  Smile for no reason at all other than the notion that it is in your best interest.  Most people believe they need a reason and then they can’t seem to think of one.
6)    Strive To Be Pleasant Towards Others.  I’ve always been told that you can’t make someone else happy.  Technically, that is true, but we sure do believe that they can make us angry.  Some people will resist you & your happiness, but most will be influenced by your actions.  Greet people warmly and with kindness.  I encourage you to believe you can make others happy and set a course to do so.
7)    Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes.  We’ve all made mistakes but some of us are held prisoner by our mistakes.  It’s hard to enjoy today if you are stuck in the past.  Let go of this burden and move on with your life.
8)    Fill Your Mind With Thoughts of Happiness.  You tend to become what you think about.  I know negative things exist and I keep an eye on that reality but I put my primary focus on the happiness I want instead of the things I don’t want.  Norman Vincent Peale says that you change your world by changing your thoughts.  Think Happy.
9)    Use Upbeat Language.  Avoid language that lets the air out of your tire.  Instead of saying, “I HAVE to go to work or school today” say, “I GET to go to work or school today”.  A lot of people would like to have your job or the opportunity to get an education.
10)    Be Poised.  Pay attention to how you carry yourself.  Angry people as well as negative and anxious people have a certain body language.  What does your body language say about you?  If you want to be happy then walk, sit, and stand like you think a happy person would carry themselves.
11)    Live in the Present.  Strive to enjoy every moment of your life.  You cannot change the past and you have no control over what the future may bring.  You can, however, have control of your present.  Be more aware of this moment.
12)    Be Thankful.  Most people focus on what they want or what they don’t have.  Learn to appreciate the blessings that God has given to you.  Your health, your family, friends & the ability to laugh.  I wonder how long your list would be if you were to write down the things you are grateful for.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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What do you think about most of the time?  Your world is a mirror of your thoughts.  If your life isn’t going in the direction that you want it to, then something is wrong with your thought processes.  If you change your thinking, you can change your world.  Successful people think about what they want and how to get it.  Those with the highest expectations are the winners in life.  You are limited only by your ability to envision a better you.

You become what you think about!  I call this the Formula For Success.  If you want to improve in any way, you have to change your self concept.  You can be no bigger than your self image.  If you have a poor self image, you are not going to get very far.  Most of us have had our growth stunted by the negative influence of other people’s opinions.  I’m here to tell you that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t have to be your reality.

Inside of you lies the seed of achievement which, if activated, will lead you to levels of fulfillment that you may never have hoped to reach.  You can do things that are beyond your greatest imagination if you will start seeing yourself bigger than you presently are.  See yourself as successful and fulfilled in all areas of your life.  Think in terms of your health, emotional well-being, spirituality and family/community connectedness.  You daydream anyway; so why not harness the energy of what you are already doing?

The Bible says, “As a man thinketh, so shall he become…”  So see yourself as more than capable to handle whatever comes your way.  Know that you are competent and resourceful.  Maintain an image of being unstoppable.  Keep your mind on the things that you want and off the things you don’t want.  This is why worrying is so dangerous.  This is how you build mountains out of molehills.

As a therapist, a large part of what I do is to teach people how to focus their attention.  A positive attitude toward treatment has a tremendous effect on the outcome.  People’s expectations impact how they behave.  If patients expect to get well, they are more likely to be compliant with the medical recommendations presented.  The resulting benefits are a stronger immune system, more energy, enthusiasm, creativity and happiness.

Being optimistic is the single greatest quality you can develop.  It is imperative to decide exactly what you want and to focus on ideal outcomes.  Expect positive results.  Visualize your goals as if they were already attained.  Make your life all that it can be!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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It is a universal principle that adversity in life carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.  This principle is as certain as the law of gravity.  Most people are unaware of this fact and during the difficult times they only experience a sense of hopelessness and helplessness.  Everyone has known discouragement and fear but there is hope in knowing that there is a positive solution to every challenge you will ever face in life.

Remember back to those times in which you had problems and you were able to turn them around into advantages.  Every one of us has had such experiences.  When I first learned about the principle to look at problems as opportunities, I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever heard.  Fortunately, I had already learned that just because I disagreed with something, it does not mean that it is wrong.  So after chewing on this concept for a while I realized that all problems have a gift.  All problems are an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to better ourselves.

I find a lot of comfort from reading the stories in the Bible.  Each of these men and women experienced self doubt and discouragement.  The patients that I work with often exemplify the ability to turn obstacles into opportunities.  Those who gave this principle a worthy effort found the answers they needed to turn their lives around.  It is important that you keep your mind on the things that you want and off of the things that you do not want.

I once had a Sunday school teacher who used to say “Inside each of us we have two dogs running around, a negative dog and a positive dog.”  He would then ask, “If these two dogs were to get into a fight, which one would win?”  His answer was “The one you feed the most.”  Which one of your dogs are you feeding the most?  You and only you decide where you place your energy.  You must give yourself a focal point.  If you get off track, you must redirect yourself towards feeding your positive dog.

Stop wasting your time trying to blame someone else for your troubles.  This will only cause you to become stuck and frustrated.  I want to encourage you to stop using the word “problems”.  Instead, replace it with the words “challenges” or “opportunities”.  When you are in the middle of problems and you focus your attention on your problems, what do you get?  More problems.  Whatever you put your energy into, it grows, just like a plant will grow when the sun shines its energy onto it.

Life is constantly handling out cards.  Some of them you want, some of them you do not want, and a lot of them you never expected.  We are all dealt cards like these.  You do not always have a choice about which cards you are dealt but you always have a choice in how you play your cards.  A philosophy that is quite helpful is the mind set of: “It’s not what happens to me, it’s what I do about it.”  Your fears will shackle you down and create a feeling of being trapped and helpless.  Remember that you were meant to soar.

God has given you the ability you need to face and resolve the challenges of life.  He has supplied you with a mechanism within your brain called your reticular activating system.  The mechanism that helps you tune into the things which will then fill your mind.  Here is an example that has happened to most of us — Think back to the last time you purchased a car.  Before you bought the car you had not noticed many of them, but after you drove it off the lot you started noticing them all over the place.  This is because you had made the car a part of your life and as a result your brain started tuning into similar information.

How this mechanism applies to you and your problem solving strategies is simple.  If you believe that “Life stinks and then you die,” you will be led towards people, experiences, newspaper articles, etc. that validate this belief.  On the other hand, if you hold positive expectations for your life, you will be led towards people, experiences, books, etc. that will validate this belief.  It is all a matter of focus.  You create your own destiny.  Apply some faith to this universal certainty.  Pray for divine guidance.  With each victory from your use of this concept you will grow stronger and your path in life will bring a clarity of purpose.

Another point which enhances this solution oriented view of life is definiteness of purpose.  A tremendous amount of clarity comes from answer the question, “What do I want out of life?”  Knowing what you want places you in the right direction.  Vague answers will bring only vague results.  Be absolutely specific.  You will become more alert to opportunities around you.  You will have increased recognition of available resources.  Don’t be afraid to set big goals for yourself.  Remember that “It’s not what you have that counts, it’s what you do with what you have.”  Be willing to take life on.  Don’t be afraid to take positive risks.  You were born with all of the necessary abilities to succeed in life.  You are big enough to meet the challenges.  You are a masterpiece.  You are one of a kind.  Just because others may have tried and failed, it does not mean that you will fail.  Your uniqueness is often the key that makes the difference where others have failed before.  Do your best in all that you do.  Go the extra mile by being one of the few who looks at their problems as opportunities.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

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