Husbands, if you want your wife to adore you, develop this simple habit.  This minor adjustment will make her feel special and will let her know she is your priority.

Here’s how this works:  Husbands, which family member generally gets to you first when you arrive home each day from work?  Your children, right?  They are so excited to see you.  They practically knock you down with their enthusiasm, this is almost impossible to resist.  Most husbands greet the children first, but for the sake of the children as well as your wife, do not do this.  Always Greet Your Wife First.

Before I tell you why, let me give the husbands a little inside information that I have picked up as a marriage and family therapist.  Your wife typically hides from you when you’re expected to arrive home.  She wants you to be interested enough and care enough to come find her.  If you think about it isn’t she normally in her closet or in the laundry room when you get home?  Do not stop and read the mail.  Do not sit in your recliner.  Go find her.

Instead of stopping to hug the children, say to them, “Ya’ll help me find Momma.

They will gladly help and you rush to where your wife is.  Greet her with enthusiasm.  Think about how your children and your dog greet you.  Show about the same degree of enthusiasm.  Look into her eyes.  Embrace her.  Tell her how glad you are to see her.

This kind of greeting shows her honor.  It automatically conveys a message that she is special to you and she is your priority.  It isn’t hard to do but it’s impact will blow her doors off.

After you have greeted her enthusiastically, greet your children with a similar response.  The reason behind this relates to a matter of developing respect from your children for their mother.  In most homes, the father can tell the children to do something and the children do it immediately.  However, their mother can tell the children to do the same thing and the children give her a hard timed about it.  Greeting your wife first helps squash this behavior.

When you greet your children first, then your wife, you are giving the children the message that they are more important than their Momma.  They start believing that their daddy holds them in greater esteem than he does their Momma.  Thus, they do not have to do what she says.  However, when you greet their Momma first, then they see that you hold her in greater esteem and they will do the same.  They will then be quicker to do what she says.

Someone will greet them first when they reach adulthood but for now, honor their Momma.  Try this out today.  You will feel better about yourself as a husband.  The love and respect that you show towards your wife will come back to you multiplied.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Sometimes, however, the role models we need to learn the proper skills for good communication are not available and problems may begin and persist without these skills.  By modeling the basic techniques, we can teach future generations how to develop healthier relationships.

One of the biggest ways to turn persons off is through body language.  Our nonverbal messages disclose much information about ourselves, our feelings and attitudes.  By increasing awareness of our body language, we can convey to others our interests and likings which we in turn want to receive.  We can do this by finding a close distance in which we can talk and interact comfortably and by maintaining eye contact which conveys sincerity, smiling, leaning forward when we speak, uncrossing arms and legs and allowing expressions to show.

Self disclosure is an important part of communication.  It adds excitement and develops intimacy within our relationships because we are communicating information about ourselves.  The risk of self disclosure will lead our relationships to the level of intimacy that we desire.

Some suggestions for this area:

-   Practice sharing factual information about ourselves.  When comfortable with this, move on to the next step.
-   Share your thoughts, feelings and needs but only about the past or future, such as your beliefs, hopes or thoughts on the future.
-   From here share your feelings and needs on a “here and now” basis.  This will involve saying what attracts us to the other person, saying what we like and dislike about their behavior.  This is the most difficult level of disclosure but also the most satisfying.  When we risk sharing our true feelings we can become closer to others and create stronger bonds.

Other things to keep in mind when disclosing include:

-  Preparing ahead of time on what we think, feel and want within our relationship.
-  Being positive.
- Taking responsibility for our position by using “I” messages, such as “I think”, “I want”, “I feel” and not using “You” messages such as “You always” or “You never”.  This puts the other person on the defensive.

Listening is another important part of communication.  It is our ability to listen that makes and keeps relationships going.  When we show others that we are good listeners, they are drawn to us.  By taking the time to listen we learn to understand others.  Listening is a commitment to the understanding of how others see things.  It is also a compliment to others because we are telling them we care.  Listening however does not mean we have to sit still with our mouths shut.  Listening involves active participation.

Helpful suggestions for healthy listening skills include:

-  moving away from distractions.

-   leaning forward.

-   maintaining good eye contact.

-   nodding and paraphrasing.

-    asking questions.

-    committing yourself to understanding the other person’s viewpoint.

The only way to learn these skills is by using them.  It may feel awkward using these techniques at first but as we continue to work at them, they become second nature.  The benefits we will gain from these skills will convince us that it is worth the initial discomfort.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

It is better to be prepared for tough times and not have them, than to have tough times and not be prepared.

Here are five of the essential principles to strengthen your relationship and give you an edge during times of adversity.

1. Be Mindful Not To Worry. If something needs to be fixed, fix it if you can but remember that worry never fixes anything. Worrying is a waste of time and energy. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. Worry prevents you from seeing hope and solutions. Besides, most things we worry about never happen.
   
2. Be Patient Towards Your Partner. Patience is an excellent remedy for the tough times you will go through. You love your partner so don’t choose the moments of crisis to come down on them. Don’t let stress sway you into losing perspective. Realize that if you are not careful, adversity can damage your relationship. Stay away from blaming, using criticism to make a point, lecturing, sarcasm and name calling. Everything becomes possible again when love and patience are present.
   
3. Practice Forgiveness…It is amazing how quickly someone will turn on the person they love. Don’t let upset feelings infect your relationship. Resentments close the door on the possibility of a bright future. Love is a continous act of forgiveness. Everybody likes the idea of forgiveness until they have to be the one to forgive. If you want your relationship to be better than most, you must instill this habit of forgiveness.
   
4. Use Your Sense Of Humor. A laughing couple is much stronger than an arguing or withdrawn couple. If you can find humor in the challenge you are facing you can survive it. Laughter dissapates hopelessness. You cannot argue and laugh at the same time. It is impossible. The choice is up to you.
   
5. Vow To Stay Connected. Stand together against adversity. Promise to endure throughout the storms that most likely will come your way at some point or another. Staying connected takes practice. People commonly choose to withdraw from each other at times of trouble. This distance may feel safer but it does long term damage to the relationship. If you truly love your partner then vow “We will get through this, Together!”

You are the only one who is responsible for your character. Do not let other people or circumstances determine your actions. If there is goodness in your relationship, then it is worth fighting for. Give your partner a message of committed reassurance. Let them know, “I’m Here For You.” and “We Will Get Through This.”

Things To Keep In Mind During The Tough Times:

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Getting Through The Tough Times In Your Relationship

Ernest Holmes said, “Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”  Have your thoughts undermined a once great relationship?  If so, you can redirect your thoughts and thus redirect the future of your marriage.  Most couples put more effort into the planning of their vacation than they do their marriage.

Remember the days of dating each other?  You couldn’t get enough of each other and gladly gave a lot of attention to your partner.  After a couple gets married they are pulled apart by things like their career and the needs of their children.  A routine develops and if the couple isn’t careful, so does a sense of boredom.

Unfortunately, your spouse tends to get blamed for the boredom.  But don’t be too quick to judge.  Simply because you have been together for a number of years doesn’t mean that you know your spouse today.  People change.  As men get older, they tend to shift focus from their career to their family.  Women tend to go in the direction of career because they have put their career pursuits on hold for the sake of their children.

The goals you had early in the marriage have probably changed.  But your partner may have the assumption that you still want things the way they were in the beginning.  Especially in the ages between 35 and 55, what’s important to you and what matters most are usually being re-evaluated.

Talk with your partner about what is really important to you.  What would make your life more satisfying?  Listen to your spouse.  Encourage them to share their views.  Be open to what they say.  Don’t be too sensitive or defensive.  Don’t be judgmental.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you overreact to what they say, your spouse isn’t going to talk to you.

Try to be accepting and positive of what your spouse has to say even if what you hear surprises you.  If you have a hard time keeping your mouth shut, I suggest you sit on your hands.  Somehow this simple behavior helps you keep quiet so that you just listen.  Remember, one good idea could be life changing to your marriage.

Be curious and eager to know your spouse all over again.  It doesn’t take both of you to do the spring cleaning, even though it helps.  You’d be surprised by what one dedicated spouse can do.  And just like the spring cleaning of your home, your marriage deserves many cleanings.  Keep your marriage fresh and alive.  Tap into your ability to dream again.  Rediscover the beauty of your husband or wife.  Take one step today towards the renewing of your marriage.  Then take another step tomorrow.  And so on and so on..

Here are some additional “cleaning solutions” for your marriage.

1. Try to see your spouse with fresh eyes.
2. Keep your mind focused on your spouse’s positive qualities.
3. Forgiveness is letting go of the past.  Forgiving yourself and your spouse is an attribute of the strong.
4. If you are keeping score of your spouse’s mistakes, you are setting your marriage up to fail.
5. Life is too short to allow boredom to infiltrate your marriage.
6. Good things often come from the difficult times.
7. Strive to genuinely understand your spouse.
8. Break your routines to keep the marriage exciting.
9. Maintain an attitude that encourages openness.
10. Strive to find the magic that is waiting to be discovered in your spouse.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

In the beginning, passionate feelings and romantic gestures seemed to flow without much effort.  As time goes on, we settle into routines and many couples forget to do the things that keep their passion alive.  You have to be proactive.  You must make an effort to stay connected.  You must make up your mind that you will love your spouse.  It is not something that is just going to happen.

If you want to have a passionate relationship then you need to invest your time in your spouse.  I do not believe that we forget how to be passionate towards the one we love.  We just do not make it our priority.  However, in case I need to jog our memory, I suggest you pull out photographs of when you and your spouse first met.  Study your expression.  How did you look at him?  How did you talk to her?  Could you listen to her for hours?  Did you comfort him if he was discouraged?  Remember how you carried yourself.  Remember how you used to drive twenty minutes out of your way to see her for five minutes.  Once you have recaptured these memories then make a commitment to live your today’s with your spouse in this same manner.

Let me share some more strategies on how you can keep the flames of passion alive:

1. Plan a special day together for just the two of you.  Perhaps take a day off work to do so.
2. Be playful.  Laugh together.
3. Write a love letter to your spouse.  Make it a little unpredictable.  Say things you might not ordinarily say.
4. Take walks together.  Consider a walk on a moonlit night.
5. Take turns initiating affection so that it does not always fall under the responsibility of the same partner.
6. Go on a picnic.
7. Go to a romantic restaurant from time to time, not always to a family buffet.
8. Have candlelight dinners at home.
9. Watch romantic movies.
10. Go on a weekend getaway.
11. Hold hands.
12. Hold your spouse in such a way that he/she knows you care.
13. Slow dance to music.
14. Send your wife flowers for no other reason than to let her know you love her.  (If your wife pays the bills, pay for the flowers at the florist yourself.  Do not let the bill come home for her to have to write a check for her own flowers.

You might say, “But Mark, we have children and we are constantly on the go.”  Here are some strategies you can implement:

1. Make sure the children go to bed at a decent hour so you will have time together alone.
2. If you have teenagers, plan Saturday morning dates when they tend to sleep in.
3. A date does not have to mean dinner and a movie.  A date can be anything that gives you an opportunity to concentrate on each other.  From my experience, a standard date night does not work well for couples with children.
4. Create a romantic atmosphere in your home.  This may be as simple as lighting candles or dimming the lights.
5. Always give your spouse a goodbye hug and kiss before leaving in the morning.
6. When you return home, always greet your spouse first, even though the children will run to the door first.
7. Say,  “I love you ” often.
8. Save some of your best self each day for your spouse.  Do not give them the leftovers.
9. Look at old photographs and reminisce together.
10. Respect your spouse even when you disagree.  Never belittle your spouse, whether or not others are around.

If you want good health, you must eat right and exercise.  If you want a marriage that embraces passion, you must take the time to enjoy the company of the person you love.  I believe that passion can be recaptured and grow to unimaginable dimensions.  Decide to be a passionate spouse.

Start today.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Are you looking for the secrets of having a Great Relationship ?

Turn your relationship into one that is tremendously passionate and satisfying.

By Mark Webb, The Relationship Specialist and author of How To Be A Great Partner.

At Last! Secrets on how to have a great relationship in plain spoken language.

Most relationship books give good sounding information that doesn’t really work in the real world. Especially if you’re dealing with a complicated situation or partner.

Mark Webb, the author and creator of the How to be a Great Partner system, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist as well as a Clinical Member of The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.

He has been helping thousands of people get life changing results since 1986.

His approach is unique in that he cuts through to the heart of the matter. He tells you exactly what you need to be thinking and doing in order to gain your partner’s respect and commitment.

The system will work for anyone who is committed to their relationship. Even if the future of the relationship is presently threatened.

Take for example this couple:

After hearing more of their story and of Tom’s behavior, it sounded as if Tom did not even deserve another chance. He had provided well for his wife and children but had been a difficult man to live with. His corrective demands on his family were spirit breaking. When Tom finished acknowledging the damage he had done to Katherine, he looked at me with tears streaming down his face and cried, “Please help me be the man I should have been!”

Tom gave me his undivided attention, as all people do when they are in the doghouse. I laid out specific strategies for him. All of which are within the pages of this book. The one strategy that made the biggest initial impact on Katherine was his decision to be a “great spouse.” He also included “a great father” as one of his new labels. He committed himself to greatness and realigned his priorties to ensure that Katherine knew that she was his priority.

Now this kind of initial response in common, especially for the first 2 weeks. Rarely do people stick with this strategy for a month. Moreover, even more rare does it go beyond a 6-week period. Tom stuck with it. Within a month, Katherine had dropped the idea of divorce and had reopened her heart to Tom. They were having a newlywed experience that was better than the first one. Every few months, I would call and check in on Tom and Katherine and the reports exclaimed a transformation into a great marriage that improved year after year. Years later, they have a freshness about them that the other couples in their town admire.

And how about this couple:

“He was so focused towards his career that he never slowed down enough to ask how I was doing let alone what I needed. I’m not one to openly complain or fuss. I quickly realized David wouldn’t hear me anyway! ”

David’s response surprised me. He said, “She’s right. I have been caught up in everything but her. In my mind, I was doing all of this for us and look where it’s gotten me.” David had been keeping score of how well he had been doing based on the size of his bank balance. When he compared himself to other husbands, all he could see was that his family had nicer things. “I must be doing good,” he thought.

My sessions focused David on how to direct his determination. He had always accomplished anything he had set his mind to accomplish. We set his sights on becoming a great husband. He used his hardheadedness to totally committ himself to pleasing Nancy. She was skeptical at first but he did not mind that. He expected it and knew he deserved it after years of neglect. He was committed to the long- term goal of becoming a great partner.

His persistence paid off because after a while, Nancy opened herself up to David again. They are very playful and happy. She trusts him and she now knows that she is his priority.

Once David learned the skills of becoming a great partner, he found out that it is easier to be a great partner than one who is merely good. He also noted the benefits such as improved health, increased energy, and an overall sense of happiness.

“Now that I’ve developed these disciplines, I feel stronger and my business is actually more productive.” David went on to say, “I look forward to going home each night and Nancy greets me with passion. I am a changed man.”

Don’t Let This Happen To You :

A once happy couple had become locked in a constant battle. They argued “about everything” and never saw things from the same perspective. At night, they slept in separate beds. They fought over who would sleep with their four year old daughter, Alicia. Alicia had become the peacemaker for them but she could not keep Jim and Martha from fussing at each other. Jim and Martha felt bad about how they had involved Alicia but the guilt was not enough to stop them.

Jim and Martha lost sight of the baseline. The hope for their future was soon lost as well. I spoke to them separately after their divorce and they both admitted that they had been petty and foolish.

You Can Literally Stop The Fighting Today!

Recapture The Love and Chemistry You Once Had Together!!

How To Be A Great Partner is Mark Webb’s response to his frustration with how most therapy is conducted. Therapy can be slow, conflicted, and aggravating. Mark Webb has learned how to speed up the therapeutic process. His approach focuses the individual and the couple on establishing a specific desired outcome and then teaches you the strategies on how to make this outcome a reality.

It is common for therapists to focus the couple on compromise and conflict resolution. That seems reasonable enough. But this approach tends to set the stage for merely tolerating your partner’s behaviors. Great relationships are about winning and it is possible for both of you to win. That’s the difference in Mark’s system. He focuses you on increasing your sense of connection.

You and your partner may never see eye to eye on certain subjects but you can learn to experience a greater sense of closeness between you.

Take Your Relationship To A New And Better Level

This program works. It is common for couples to report anywhere from 25% to 60% immediate improvement after explosure to the basic techniques taught in this system.

That can be enough to rekindle a sense of hope in yourself and from your partner.

I Can Solve Your Relationship Problems.

I Can Save You Time, Money, and Hassle.