The holiday season is now upon us. Often the holiday blues come along with the Christmas cheer. We all have the blues at one time or another but the blues are especially common during the Christmas season. It is also common for the blues to progress into a severe depression during this time of year.

What is the difference between the blues and a severe depression? Depression is a persistent disturbance in mood in which feelings of sadness, loneliness, disappointment and hopelessness are usually common. Some of the symptoms are:

1. A significant increase or decrease in appetite.

2. A change in sleeping habits.

3. Feelings of restlessness or being slowed down.

4. Loss of energy or fatigue.

5. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.

6. Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities.

7. Poor concentration or inability to make decisions.

8. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

The most obvious indicator is when a person starts making comments suggesting suicidal thoughts, such as “Life has lost its meaning for me.” “Nobody needs me anymore.” “My family would be better off without me.” No indicator of suicide should be taken lightly.

Depression can hit anyone. It is common among all levels of society. We all have difficulty coping with things at some time or another, so how can we avoid the blues? Some suggestions for avoiding the holiday blues are:

Concentrate on the positive aspects of ourselves, others and the situations we face.

Ask for help from family and friends – let our needs be known.

Look for activities for involvement –charitable work is an excellent choice.

Visit friends, family and those less fortunate.

Eat right and get enough rest.

Allow time for fun and relaxation.

Be patient with yourself and with others.

Manage your time and tasks.

Talk about thoughts and feelings with others.

Be open and honest with yourself and with others.

How can we help our loved ones who are suffering with depression? This is a common struggle for those involved. Some helpful suggestions are:

1. Be a good listener. Allow the depressed person to unload his/her thoughts and feelings without making judgments.

2. Look for opportunities to give genuine praise.

3. Be sincerely interested and understanding.

4. Do not constantly correct the depressed person. She/He is already struggling with enough guilt.

5. Make supportive comments such as, “We love you.” “You look a lot better today.” And “I don’t fully understand but I would like to help.”

6. Spend time with the depressed person and encourage him/her to get involved in activities.

Support may also mean helping the depressed person to find proper professional help. A good rule of thumb is that if depression persists over a period of more than one month and/or involves intense symptoms, professional intervention should be considered. Even though it is often frightening to seek professional help, depression should not go untreated. When it gets to the point where something has to change, I can help you make the changes!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

25 Strategies For Preventing Holiday Headaches With Your Family

The tension of a lifetime can emerge during a holiday visit with family.  There is something about family gatherings that can transform even the most confident man or woman into a helpless child, and usually thoughtful people into petty bickerers.  If you are stressing out about spending holidays with your family, here are some strategies that can keep you from getting sucked into family conflicts.

1.     Invite a friend or two to participate in family gatherings.  Behavior almost always improves in the presence of outsiders.

2.     Consider having family events in a neutral place such as a restaurant or a resort.  Reserve these places early.

3.     If specific family members get on your nerves, come up with a strategy to deal with the situation when it occurs.

4.     Develop your sense of humor.  Most things can be amusing if you don’t take them too seriously.

5.     Everybody tends to stay up later during holiday visits.  Tiredness tends to ensure bickering and short temperedness.  This is true for children and adults.  Get plenty of rest.

6.     Don’t take responsibility for everyone else’s happiness.  It’s okay to simplify, ask for help and change the way things have been done in the past.

7.     Avoid the need to criticize or to tell someone how things “Should be done”.  Remember, you have two ears and one mouth.  Listen more, talk less.

8.     If your momma asks you to go to church with her, go.  You love her and it will make her happy.

9.     If your family tends to have intense debates about religion or politics, you might want to declare a truce.  Typically, days can be spent preparing for the big meal and this well thought out event can quickly be ruined over a useless debate.

10. Make sure everyone knows what is going on; where, when and with whom.

11. Expect the unexpected.  Be prepared for the unplanned events that always seem to occur at family get togethers.  Be flexible.  Remember you didn’t pick your family and they didn’t pick you either.

12. Be mindful of the things you have instead of the things you don’t have.  Gratitude will keep you more focused on peace and harmony.

13. Lead by example.  When family members see you avoid petty conflicts, they will more likely follow your lead.

14. Brace yourself for teenagers.  Keep these strategies in mind:

a.      Avoid power struggles

b.     Expect some limit testing

c.     Focus more on listening than on demanding to be heard.

d.     Take a time out yourself when you feel the need.

e.      Establish curfews, expectations, guidelines ahead of time.

15. If family members prefer to remain home alone for their own personal reasons, respect their wishes and don’t pressure them into uncomfortable social situations.

16. You must accept the fact that it may not be possible to have a house full of relatives who get along.  It may be better to have a smaller gathering comprised of family and friends who interact well together than a larger group that doesn’t get along.

17. Don’t aim for perfection.  Unrealistic demands you place on yourself is a recipe for frustration and disaster.

18. If your family gathering is too much stress to bear, consider not going.

19. Leave your baggage at the door.  You don’t have to resolve unfinished family business during this holiday visit.  I suggest you plan to do it at another time if you feel the need.

20. Avoid too much downtime.  You are setting yourself up for conflicts if you allow your guests to get bored.  Plan group activities.  Go to a movie or local attraction.  Ride around and look at Christmas lights or play a game of football.

21. Make sure you spend quality time with your spouse and your children.  They are your priority, not your parents or siblings.

22. Don’t try to diet.  This is usually a dumb idea.  Moderation in food and alcohol is a better idea.  Make a plan and then do your best to stick to it.

23. Have realistic expectations and “go with the flow”.  It also helps if you can remember to breathe.

24. If a family member is not able to attend the holiday festivities, arrange a phone call or make a videotape of them event and mail it to them.

25. Keep family visits short.  Consider staying in a motel.  Remember the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Fish and company both stink after 3 days”.

Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. Mark Webb is also the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).  Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

Creating realistic expectations can be quite challenging because most of us want the memories to be perfect.  It becomes difficult to enjoy time with family and friends when you have too many responsibilities and not enough time.  I suggest that you think on paper.  Make to-do lists.  Focus on the activities that will bring the desired result.  Understand what makes the holiday season special for you. What kind of experiences do you want to create this year? Remember that everything does not have to be perfect.  Once you have clarity on this, things will fall into place much easier.

Recognize and accept your own limitations.  Plan ahead and create a budget. Don’t confuse being busy with accomplishment.  Learn from your past mistakes.  Better yet, learn from other people’s mistakes.  Lack of planning ultimately leads to failure.  The holiday films that we all enjoy don’t show you the crew of staff behind the scenes who set up everything to look perfect.  Be wise in your approaches.

Here are some examples:

• Save yourself a few hours by ordering a cake instead of baking it yourself.
• Allow a cleaning person or crew to come in once a year during the holiday season to clean your home.
• Avoid the crowded stores; shop from the Internet or from catalogs.  These companies can ship the gifts for you.
• If you are having an informal get-together use nice, sturdy, and disposable plates and utensils.  Save the china for the more formal events.
• Most guests are willing to bring a side dish or appetizer.  Let them help.
• Designate a children’s room for play and one for eating.  Decorate with an inexpensive tablecloth.  Place a few drop cloths under the children’s seats to save wear and tear on your carpet.  This can reduce lots of stress.
• Gather your family, order a couple of pizzas and have a decorating party.  Create some family traditions.
• If you have a crowd coming over or people with small children, you can decrease your anxiety by putting up the breakable treasures.
• Buy a few disposable cameras and place them throughout the house.  Tell your guests to take pictures as they see fit.  This will keep you from being solely responsible for getting the holiday memories and you may finally get in some of the pictures.

Brace yourself for the upcoming stress of the holidays.  Watch out for increased irritability, decreased sleep or feeling overwhelmed.  Give yourself enough time so that you don’t have to rush.  Don’t let your mouth overload your back.  Learn to say “No”.  Some simple but powerful advice is:  Remember to breathe.  By the way, you should expect to feel down right after entertaining and after Christmas Day.

If you are going to be a guest at someone’s home, you may want to consider these suggestions:

• Don’t stay too long.  You may want to shorten the length of the visit instead of wearing out your welcome.
• Discipline your own children.  If Little Johnny goes wild, then Little Johnny’s parents need to be the ones who handle it – no one else.  This keeps toes from getting stepped on.
• Set differences aside.  Don’t try to resolve past issues at this time.
• It may be wise to make separate accommodations as a hotel rather than staying at a relative’s home.
• Be helpful to the host.

It is totally normal after being in situations that place you under peak emotional demands that your body and mind will need to regroup.  Make sure you get plenty of extra rest.

Helen Keller once said, “The only real blind person at Christmas time is he who has not Christmas in his heart.”  Christmas is a state of mind.  Enjoy the holiday season.  There is more to it than baking and entertaining.  Make sure they are full of fun and laughter. Create happy feelings and memories.  Look at the holidays through the eyes of a child.

The three stages of a man’s life:

• He believes in Santa Claus.
• He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
• He is Santa Claus.

What should you do if you are having a hard time with the holidays

If you and your family are dealing with loss or separation, discuss how you are feeling.  Acknowledging how you feel will reduce emotional stress.  Holding feelings inside creates tension and depression.  Symptoms to watch out for are:

• Depressed Mood
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Low Energy Level
• Restlessness
• Sleep and/or Appetite Disturbance
• Feelings of Worthlessness
• Feelings of Hopelessness and/or Helplessness

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™.  Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies”  Ezine ($100 Value).

Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com

or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com